Blog Posts

Empathy is the ability to sense, understand and appreciate the feelings and experiences of others. It requires taking the time and making the effort to focus on someone else without judging them and without giving into the temptation to deny the validity of their perspective. Unfortunately, it is often the case in the lives of people with developmental disabilities that empathy is not embraced by those who have a direct effect on their lives.

It seems that everyone is allowed to live their life in their own way except for people with intellectual challenges. How frustrating it must be to have others, even those with the best of intentions, make important decisions for you without really knowing your personal wants or desires. It must be disheartening when others assume that they know better than you what your personal preferences might be regarding important aspects of your life.

The following are some typical situations where we fail to see the world from the point of view of men and women with developmental disabilities.

* How does it make a person with an intellectual challenge feel when someone in authority repeats instructions over and over again in an increasingly loud tone in the mistaken belief that saying their directions harshly will make them understandable? While they may believe that speaking to someone with a disability in that way makes things clearer, what it actually does is increase the stress level and anxiety of that person. Instead of making the situation better they are demonstrating their frustration with an individual who is doing their best to comprehend what is being said.

* What must it be like to have physical challenges while trying to function in a world where people are obsessed with moving at such a fast clip that they are unwilling to allow you to move at your own pace? No one wants to be considered an inconvenience or a burden, and yet those are the signals that are too often sent out to an individual who is not always able to keep up with those who are in such a hurry.

* If a person is nonverbal, how infuriating it must be to have people assume that they do not have thoughts, ideas or opinions that are worth sharing. The point of view of an individual who does not speak is just as legitimate as someone who is fluent. Just because they do not express it verbally does not make it any less valid. Every person has the right to be understood, and there is no exception to that right based on how a person communicates.

* How many meetings are people with developmental disabilities forced to sit through as important decisions are made concerning their lives by individuals who barely know them. The revolving door of case managers, habilitation training specialists, speech therapists, physical therapists, behavioral psychologists and assorted health care providers often discuss the future among themselves without soliciting the person’s opinions. Instead the individual with the disability is steered towards goals that may or may not be appropriate for them. In today’s current political climate, they are even being manipulated into the type of employment the government prefers for them rather than what they might actually want.

* Because people with intellectual challenges are frequently not able to meet their own transportation needs, they are often required to live on the schedules of other people. Instead of doing something when they want to, they do it when it is convenient for the person who is driving them. Individuals with developmental disabilities are expected to make such compromises because people want them to be “easy to deal with” and not someone who is considered “difficult” or “demanding”.

* Try to imagine what it is like to have a speech disorder in a society that is based on rapid communication. When people do not have the patience to listen attentively, and instead attempt to finish someone’s sentences before they can say them, their disrespect leads to misunderstandings that can be detrimental to everyone involved.

* Just like anyone else, an individual with an intellectual challenge should be allowed to attempt new things. How can they be expected to make progress if they are not given the opportunity to try? Sometimes they will be successful, sometimes not. However it just might be the case that they are capable of far more than was believed. But, unfortunately, when they do occasionally fail at a new task, many people immediately label the person as a failure. Jumping to such a harmful conclusion can have a limiting effect on the individual’s opportunities going forward.

* People with developmental disabilities experience moments of anger and frustration just as we all do. However, they are often told that these are “behaviors” that need to be dealt with. Sometimes they are accused of being dramatic or too emotional, but it is not reasonable to expect a person to be totally compliant with every request or order they are given. They have their own perspective. They have opinions. Perhaps it is just not in their nature to be meekly subservient to every person who has a degree of leverage over their life.

* Too often their desire for independence is viewed as an attitude that must be controlled or restrained. Because a person with an intellectual challenge wants to follow their own wishes and dreams, they are sometimes viewed as a bother to those in charge who do not want to make the extra effort that can be the difference in an individual’s quality of life. Those in authority should not put their desire to make their job easier ahead of someone’s right to enjoy as much personal freedom as they safely can.

As you can see from these examples, people with developmental disabilities must sometimes feel like no one understands that it is their life, and it’s just as important as any other person’s. They want it to have meaning and to be fulfilling. They do not want to be thought of as different. They do not want to be pushed aside or excluded, and they certainly don’t want to be forgotten.

Individuals with challenges want to sing and to dance in their own way. They want to laugh and to express themselves freely. They want to feel joy and happiness. They want to know that they are appreciated and valued. They want to be respected and to live with dignity. And although some may have difficulty conveying these sentiments, they experience them. They feel them. Their emotions are real.

We must understand that having a diagnosis of a developmental disability does not make an individual less. They are, in every way, an equal member of society.

That is why it is so important for all of us to try and see the world through their eyes.

What do you see when you encounter someone you believe is different than you? Do you see someone who makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you see only the characteristics that you don’t understand? Do you see someone that leads you to make unfair comparisons or form instant opinions based only on appearances without any facts? Do you see a person you believe to be broken or inferior in some way? Perhaps you prefer to turn away so you don’t have to see them at all.

Although people may have many excuses for why they react this way, it simply does not make sense to automatically judge someone we do not know. We do a disservice to them and ourselves when we close our minds to the beauty of diversity by refusing to accept the fact that all people are equal.

Consider the following examples.

You are reading when you look up and see a young woman with cerebral palsy enter the library. You watch as she carefully makes her way to the front desk. The fact that she uses a walker to help with her balance makes you jump to the conclusion that she needs help with almost everything. Her uneven gait and the jerking movements of her arms keep you from noticing her smile. You hear some of her conversation with the librarian at the desk, but the woman’s speech is slurred making it difficult to understand. That makes you wonder about the quality of her thoughts and whether it is worth the effort to attempt to understand what she is trying to express.

But if you would look past the motor function issues associated with her condition you would see a woman who is friendly and outgoing. You’d see a person who does not let herself be defined by her disability and does not allow the judgment of others to affect how she views herself. You would be able to appreciate that she is a person who is comfortable with who she is and that she feels confident about her future. You’d see someone who is making her way through life on her own terms, and you would notice her beautiful smile.

******************

You watch as a child becomes upset in a department store, and their behavior quickly escalates to the point that it seems beyond the capability of their parents to control them. Your immediate reaction is to assume that the child is spoiled or ill mannered. You think that it is a temper tantrum, and that it probably happens all the time. You do not consider what could be causing the behavior. Instead you judge the mother and father harshly on their parenting skills.

If you would stop and think for a moment, it might occur to you that a diagnosis of autism could explain the display of emotion. That would encourage you to feel empathy for the parents who are doing the best they can under extremely difficult circumstances. You could appreciate the parents’ struggle to control their own feelings because they know that their child is dealing with challenges that many people refuse to try and understand. You would then see that this mother and father should not be judged but rather supported.

******************

You are standing in line at the airport when you see a man with paraplegia using a wheelchair. Your imagination runs wild as you try to imagine all the possible reasons he is using the chair. You wonder if he was born with a disability or if he had an accident or illness later in life. You quickly run through a mental list of all the things you believe he can’t do. You assume that he needs assistance with basic living skills, therefore you think that he cannot possibly be happy. You begin to feel sympathy for him.

But instead of only looking at this individual in a negative way, you could attempt to focus on the fact that he is living his life to the fullest just like anyone else. You could admire his inner strength that allows him to face daily challenges that you are spared. You could appreciate his efforts to overcome physical barriers that have thoughtlessly been placed in his way. You could realize that you have seen someone who is living their life with dignity.

******************

You watch as a waitress takes the orders of three women at a table. One of them catches your eye because she is pale, gaunt and has lost her hair. You can’t help but notice the long scar on the right side of her skull. You can only guess at what horror this person is living through, and although you feel sorry for her, she makes you uncomfortable. You wish you didn’t have to eat a meal and be reminded the entire time of how awful life can be. You look at her and see nothing but misery and suffering.

You would see this woman differently if you knew she was out tonight with her friends because she is celebrating the end of her chemotherapy treatments. If there is anyone who deserves a nice evening out it is this woman. The brain tumor that was diagnosed months earlier has taken the sight in one eye and severely impacted her short term memory. However, she is fighting to regain her life with every bit of her being. Your brief discomfort pales in comparison to the joy she feels tonight to be alive and to have hope for the future. 

******************

You are shopping in a supermarket when see a married couple using sign language. As you watch their hands forming words, nothing makes sense to you. That leads you to believe that they cannot express their true thoughts and feelings. You think of all the things they can’t hear, such as music, movies and TV. You focus only on what you believe they are missing in life. You visualize them as being isolated and cut off from mainstream society. You think how sad it is to not be a complete person.

But if you would keep an open mind while you watch them sign, you’d realize that this particular form of communication is just as beautiful and powerful as any other. If you saw them at home you would understand that they love and interact with their children just like any parents. If you saw them at work you would learn that they have careers that are important to them and that they are respected by their peers. In their personal lives you would find there are many activities they like to share with their friends. However, you would also discover that there is one thing in life they dislike intensely and that is being judged by people who do not know them. 

******************

You see a teenage boy slowly walking down the street to catch a school bus. He is limping because one leg is weaker than the other and his right arm appears to be immobile. He is wearing a back pack and carrying a lunch kit in his left hand. You watch with sadness as he carefully makes his way to the corner where he catches the bus. You feel bad that someone so young could have to live his entire life like that. You do not see a person, only a damaged body.

However, you would see the humanity of this young man if you knew of the long arduous struggle he has waged to be able to walk again. After an accident at the age of nine that resulted in a traumatic brain injury, he has spent the last five years enduring multiple surgeries and endless physical therapy. He has had a lifetime of pain condensed into 60 months, and yet he makes his way to school just like other teenagers to receive the education that he hopes will one day lead to a college degree and a career as a software developer. He does not need you to feel bad, he needs you to accept him as a complete person.

******************

As you watch a woman begin to speak to a clerk in a store, you are startled by the fact that she stutters. The clerk quickly becomes impatient as the woman continues her effort to be understood, so he begins to try and answer her questions before she can finish them. This creates complete confusion for both of them. As you watch the woman attempt to convey her thoughts, you can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be to talk like her. You wonder if she has to endure this kind of awkwardness every time she speaks in public.

What you are failing to see is the courage of the woman to be herself. You do not see the years of self-doubt and the lack of self-esteem that she bravely struggled to overcome. You do not appreciate that she does not try to hide the way she speaks, and she does not allow it to keep her from living her life. Instead of just seeing a person who stutters, you should see a person who does not give up her right to communicate her thoughts and ideas.

******************

You are walking through the mall, following a middle aged couple a few steps ahead of you. Suddenly the woman collapses to the floor and begins to shake violently. The man kneels next to her and seems to know what to do. You watch as the seizure runs its course and the woman begins to rest quietly. You are unnerved by what you just saw, and you begin to consider what her life must be like. You think about how stressful it would be to live with the constant fear that a seizure could occur at any moment. You wonder how she is able to go on day after day and have any kind of normal life. You see nothing about her but the 30 seconds of electrical activity that took place in her brain.

By focusing only on the seizure, you are not seeing the person’s intense desire to live a life filled with promise and purpose no matter how much epilepsy challenges her. You do not appreciate the perseverance that is evident in her refusal to back down from doing the things that are important to her. You do not see the courage she exhibits in her efforts to live in a way that has meaning for her. You do not understand that she defies her diagnosis every time she steps out of the house.

******************

You are at a city park when you notice a man with Down syndrome. Unfortunately your attention is focused only on the physical characteristics that are unique to this condition. Because you know that an intellectual challenge also accompanies this diagnosis, you wonder about his IQ. As you watch him, you are curious about whether he can read or write. Automatically you think of him as being so different that you could not possibly have anything in common. You cannot picture him as a potential coworker or friend.

You do not realize that there is far more to see than just the obvious manifestations of having an extra chromosome. You are watching a person who enjoys their life. This individual has a sense of humor and loves being around people. He has hopes and dreams just like everyone else. He has goals that he is working towards, and he wants to be accepted in the community. You, in fact, have a great deal in common with him because you are seeing a human being who is your equal and therefore deserves your respect.

******************

You have been through the buffet line, and now you sit down at your table with a heaping plate of food. You glance across the aisle at the older couple sitting opposite you. They appear to be in their seventies, and you see that the man has a severe tremor that makes him shake uncontrollably. You wonder how he is going to be able to feed himself. But then you watch as his wife moves over to his side of the booth. Slowly and carefully she lifts the fork to his mouth over and over again as she feeds him his meal. While she is doing this her food gets cold. You wonder what is wrong with him, and you think to yourself that he must be a terrible burden to her.

But what you are actually seeing is not someone who is burden, but rather a husband with Parkinson’s disease who is blessed to be in a marriage filled with both affection and respect. What you are witnessing is an act of devotion by his wife of fifty-six years who is tenderly keeping her wedding vow to “comfort and honor him, in sickness and in health”. You may think you are seeing a situation that is filled with heartbreak, but what you are actually seeing is the beauty of unconditional love that all of us should share.

In every one of these examples the first impression is incorrect. Our rush to judgment often prevents us from seeing the truth. By indulging our own bias we completely miss the reality of what we are experiencing. That is our loss. It is usually the case that who we assume a person to be, based on our uninformed assessment, is far from the truth of who they really are. Too often what we see does not tell the whole story.

Some of the people in these examples were dealing with challenges that many of us will someday face. When that time comes for us, we will not want to be looked down on by others. We will not want to be considered less because of a diagnosis. We will not want to be dismissed as a nuisance or a burden.

It is critical for all of us to make the effort to accept people for who they are without imposing limitations or restrictions that are not deserved. We must be willing to accept the fundamental truth that everyone deserves dignity and respect without exception, and we must learn to appreciate the humanity of every person we meet.

What we see when we encounter a person with a disability reveals more about us than it does them.

When it comes to raising children with developmental disabilities, mothers receive well deserved attention for their parenting. They are considered the primary caregivers and nurturers. They interact with teachers, health professionals and case managers. They are always on the front lines advocating for their child’s rights, and they are vigilant concerning their health and safety. But although they may not receive the same amount of attention, fathers of children with intellectual challenges also play a crucial role in the life of their child.

When a man finds out his son or daughter has a developmental disability, he adjusts his expectations but not his love. He realizes and accepts the fact that life is going to be different than what was planned. And although he cannot know what the future holds, he is willing to face whatever comes because he believes in the right of his child to live a meaningful life.

Through all the struggles and challenges that life throws at them, this man is there for his family. He stays the course. He can be counted on to provide support and encouragement to help his child thrive. He knows that being a father is a responsibility that never ends. For the rest of his life it will be the title he cherishes most.

While he often remains in the background, his importance in the fabric of his family cannot be underestimated. He holds things together when stress and disappointment seem overwhelming. He never loses hope, and he does not give up. He offers steady judgment that can make the difference in a difficult situation. Day after day he is a living example of fortitude and strength.

Over time he develops great patience. He understands that his son or daughter will face issues and obstacles that other children are spared, but that only makes him even more proud when they accomplish a difficult goal. It makes him appreciate the skills and talents they possess. He learns to praise every small improvement and every step forward. He realizes that the amount of effort they give to learn to do the things that come easier to others reflects their character and their desire to do everything they can for themselves. He feels an immense sense of pride in his child. Even though milestones may be significantly delayed, it does not diminish the joy he feels when he watches them achieve something that took great persistence and perseverance. He will always be more proud of their accomplishments than his own.

The father of a child with a developmental disability is wise, strong, understanding and forgiving. He is honest, funny and gentle. When they are young he makes them feel safe, and when they are adults he makes them feel respected. And even though he may sometimes have difficulty verbally expressing just how much he loves his child, he will clearly demonstrate it in a thousand different ways.

He will sit in a tiny chair and have a tea party with his little girl. He will teach his teenage son how to shave, even when there is not a whisker in sight. He will attempt to play house with his young daughter while being told he is not doing it right. He will be quick to play catch when his son becomes discouraged because no one picked him for their team. He will proudly go to a father daughter event where he feels blessed because he gets to dance with the most beautiful girl there. He will teach his little boy how to tie his shoes, or if that is not possible he will show him how to fasten Velcro straps. And if he does not get to repair tricycles or bicycles, he will be just as happy to fix broken walkers or wheelchairs.

Each year on Father’s Day, just like every other dad, he shows warm appreciation for the ugliest socks, shirts and ties imaginable. But what truly touches him are the personal gifts that his child has struggled to create in an effort to show their love for the most important man in their life. The crudely drawn pictures, the hand painted artwork and handwritten cards, complete with misspellings, all become keepsakes he will treasure.

This father wants the same things for his child that any parent wants. He wants his son or daughter to be as happy and healthy as possible. He wants them to be understood and accepted. He wants them to be treated just like other children. He wants them to participate and to enjoy inclusion in all areas of their lives. He wants them to have the opportunity to reach their potential. He wants them to receive the dignity and respect that they are entitled to. He wants them to be treated as equals.

The father of a child with a developmental disability understands that the greatest gift he can give his son or daughter is himself. To share his time and be fully present in the moment means everything. He knows that his undivided attention is what his child needs, what they crave and what they deserve. Because of everything they have overcome as a family, he knows that nothing is more important than being there for his little boy or girl. It keeps him from taking for granted all the small things that make up this special relationship. He learns to value the simple quiet moments that will one day become heartwarming memories. He takes each day as it comes, and attempts to focus on the positive wherever he finds it.

When a father looks into the face of his child, he sees himself. They are his flesh and blood, and he has the privilege of experiencing the purest form of unconditional love there is. That is why he steps up and accepts all of the additional responsibilities that come with having a son or daughter with a developmental disability.

This is a man who will never give up and never lose hope. He will consistently withstand the pressures of making a living, while he willingly makes personal sacrifices so his child has the opportunity to live the most fulfilling life possible. He will set aside his own ambitions to help his son or daughter fulfill their dreams. He will always put their needs ahead of his own. He will exercise discipline when necessary in a way that does not threaten their self-esteem and that never makes them feel insecure. He will do everything he can to increase their self-confidence. He will instill a sense of self-worth and make them feel good about the future. He will refuse to rest in his efforts to provide them with the best life possible. His world will revolve around their happiness and well-being. There is nothing he will not do for them.

The father of a child with a developmental disability provides a shoulder to lean on during difficult times. He gives them courage when they are scared, so they can be braver than they ever thought they could be. He supports them, inspires them and lifts them up when they fall. He is their protector when life is unfair and their greatest defender when they face injustice. He makes them laugh because the sound of their laughter warms his heart like nothing else can, and when they cry he holds them tightly because their tears bring him pain. And although he is a strong man, his son or daughter can melt his heart with a simple hug.

He is their role model and their best friend. He is their dad.

It is a fact that all human beings must have hope. Being hopeful promotes good health. It benefits us physically, psychologically and emotionally. It is intellectually stimulating to have positive expectations for your life. It is important to be able to face the future without fear. Having hope gives us a sense of well-being about ourselves and our families. It is a feeling that life can be more. It’s an expectation that things do not have to remain the same. Hope represents possibility. It is the promise of something better. It is the belief that situations or conditions will improve.

Our brains are hardwired to search for possibilities and outcomes that are favorable. When those results are denied to us, we become unsure and concerned about what is going to happen. This has an unsettling effect on our ability to make decisions and to choose appropriate options. And if our choices are so limited that none of them present a good outcome, we become discouraged and resignation sets in. When there is an absence of hope, despair takes hold, and despondency becomes overwhelming, leaving a person unable to cope with disappointment and discouragement. The sense of being powerless is crippling.

A life without hope is empty and barren. It can become an ongoing nightmare that seems endless. Attempting to live without it destroys a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem. It takes a toll so severe that people, no matter how courageous they may be, eventually begin to give up and stop trying in life. To constantly be forced to live with anxiety and dread wears a person down. Without hope to provide a light at the end of the tunnel, it can seem impossible to go on.

Because hope is fragile it is easily crushed, and it can take a significant amount of time to rebuild. When a person loses hope they can begin to feel like a victim without respect and dignity. All that they know and believe is stripped away by seemingly unending injustice. When someone is without hope they can become trapped in a reality that is not fulfilling. Unfortunately we don’t realize how powerful hope is until we’ve lost it. To not have it in our lives is to die a little bit each day – until there is nothing left.  

But, thankfully, hope often arrives just when it is needed most. When it appears, it can bring great joy. It renews and restores people’s lives. It energizes and motivates them. It gives individuals the incentive to move forward. It provides the opportunity to change, to improve or to let go. Hope is such a powerful force that it can immediately change a person’s perspective and attitude. It can provide a sense of worth to a person who is struggling. Hope replaces desperation with inspiration. It can wash away the ugliness of the past and give promise to the future. Hope can overcome doubt and fear by giving us courage and making us braver than we ever thought we could be. Hope can transform a person by providing light in the darkness. It gives meaning to our existence because it is the place where dreams are born.  

Hope is present in the soup kitchen that provides hot meals and human contact to men and women who are hungry and alone.

Hope comes with the offer of a job to a single mother who has been desperately seeking employment.

Hope is the lifeline for a father of three who waits for the phone call that will tell him that his time on the transplant list is over and that a donor heart has been found.

Hope drives the research scientists to discover better treatments and eventual cures for the diseases that kill our children.

Hope is what the world experiences when two powerful nations are politically wise enough to resolve their differences without resorting to the horror of war.

Hope rides with the first responders who rush to a scene of danger and willingly put themselves in harm’s way to assist others.

Hope is created by the teacher who refuses to give up on difficult students and continues to support them and motivate them to achieve their potential.

Hope patiently grows as a compassionate therapist slowly helps a 60 year old man regain his speech after a stroke.

Hope resides in a safe place for a woman and her children who have been the victims of domestic violence.

Hope comes to life when a homeless veteran on the street stops being ignored and begins to receive the help that gives him the dignity and respect he deserves.

Hope is provided with each reassuring word spoken by the 911 operator who answers a frantic life and death call.

Hope fills a home when a family adopts a child with a developmental disability and showers them with unconditional love.

Hope can save a life when it is shared by a mental health counselor with someone in emotional pain who is having suicidal thoughts.

Hope flourishes when gender, ethnicity, disability, religious faith, political persuasion and economic status are not allowed to define our humanity.

No one should be forced to face life’s challenges without hope, and we must ensure that they don’t. For those of us who are fortunate enough to enjoy lives filled with promise and potential we have an obligation to use our time and talent to extend hope to those who need it most. There is no excuse that absolves us of the responsibility to assist in creating opportunities that can enrich lives. Hope should be shared at every opportunity because every person needs it and deserves it.

Typically the most effective way to deliver real and life changing hope is through a comprehensive approach that offers concrete solutions to the problems that any of us could face. It has to be a sincere effort that supports individuals when they are struggling and provides them with the tools they need to address their issues in a positive way. Hope naturally occurs when hard work is combined with good intentions. It requires effort and persistence. It creates an atmosphere of change that sweeps away limitations and restrictive conditions.

The deep, meaningful kind of hope that can dramatically improve a person’s life, is the direct result of compassion. If we will simply care, we will do what is necessary to bring hope to a world that so desperately needs it.

In recent years there has been a concerted effort, which is long overdue, to ensure that people with developmental disabilities are given every opportunity for full inclusion in all areas of society, including employment. There is now legislation being put in place which stresses that individuals with intellectual challenges must have more choices in their employment options. We certainly agree that is a desirable outcome.

Working in the community alongside individuals without disabilities is obviously a goal worth striving for. Every person with an intellectual challenge should be placed into a community job if at all possible, as long as it is their choice.

However, what is actually occurring is a national effort at the state and federal level that will result in fewer employment choices.

It is important to examine the issues to determine if they are actually in the best interest of a population that already faces chronic unemployment at a heartbreaking rate.

This is the central argument in the debate.

The federal government is mandating that employment should take place only in what they refer to as an “integrated environment”. (That is a work setting comprised of equal numbers of individuals with disabilities and those without disabilities.) By attempting to force men and women with intellectual challenges into these types of community work sites, the federal government claims it will create more choice for an individual’s employment.

The government is adamant on their position. There is no tolerance for having a group of people with developmental disabilities successfully employed if they are not in a setting that also employs at least an equal number of individuals without disabilities.

Here is an example.

An organization opens a pizza restaurant. They hire twelve people with developmental disabilities and a support staff of six individuals who do not have disabilities. The men and women with intellectual challenges are working in the community. They are interacting with the general public. They are performing the same jobs as the people without disabilities. They receive at least minimum wage. Because of their hard work and dedication the restaurant quickly becomes a thriving business.

However, in the eyes of the government this is not a success. From their point of view the employees with developmental disabilities are working in a segregated environment because there is a disproportionate number of them versus individuals without disabilities. It is our understanding that the government could possibly step in and require the organization to replace three of the twelve employees, even though they were performing their jobs proficiently, with three individuals without disabilities in order to create the “proper” ratio. That would leave three people with intellectual challenges unemployed in order to satisfy a federal regulation that removes the humanity from the situation and replaces it with cold hard numbers that do far more harm than good.

This rationale makes so little sense that it defies logic to try and understand why the government would want this to become the future for people with developmental disabilities.

So how far will this go?

To continue this line of thinking, are group homes going to be targeted? They are completely segregated. The individuals who live in them have intellectual and physical challenges while their staff typically do not have disabilities and, in most cases, do not live under the same roof.

What about something as innocent as a special needs choir at a church? It is comprised of people with a wide range of disabilities while the directors and support personnel are typically people who do not share the same challenges.

People with developmental disabilities have bowling teams, recreational events, parties, dances and pageants all designed specifically for their enjoyment. Recently there was a series of proms held around the nation for people with intellectual challenges that proved to be enormously popular - but according to the government’s definition they are all segregated and therefore inappropriate.

Even Special Olympics, one of the greatest organizations in the world, could be considered segregated by federal standards. The fact that for almost fifty years it has had a life changing impact on millions of athletes and their families would not spare them from the scrutiny of legislators who do not seem to understand that being treated with dignity and earning the respect of your peers is just as important to individuals with intellectual challenges as it is to elected officials.

In addition to the federal government’s misguided efforts to force their preferred work scenarios on people with developmental disabilities, there is also an incomprehensible move underway around the nation at the state level to remove sheltered workshops as one of the choices for employment for these men and women.

Only politicians could actually believe that you create more vocational choice by removing existing choices that have proven to be successful.

Sheltered workshops offer a vocational safety net for thousands of adults with intellectual challenges. In our specific case, the individuals we employ are choosing to work with us - and allowing people with disabilities to choose their employment is what the government claims is their ultimate goal.

Many of these individuals have worked twenty, twenty-five or even thirty years for an organization where they feel valued and respected. They have developed lifelong friendships, and they feel safe knowing that their health and well-being is a priority. They are appreciated for who they are, rather than being judged by what they can or cannot do. They have acquired job skills while at the same time they have developed self-confidence and a well-deserved sense of accomplishment. They love their jobs and the people they work with. They have no desire to leave. So why should they be removed, against their will, from an environment that has proven to be beneficial for them as an employee and, more importantly, as a person?

The individuals we employ are given every opportunity to work at tasks that increase their vocational skills while also providing dignity and building self-esteem. A fair amount of community jobs end up with people who have challenges assigned to menial tasks that do very little to increase the level of respect they should receive for working. At our facility the staff cleans the lunchroom, not the workers. The staff mops the floors and takes care of all the trash, not the workers. The staff cleans the bathrooms, not the workers.

That does not mean that a job in the community is less preferable to a job in a workshop, but we certainly believe that employment in a workshop is far better than a lifetime of sitting and watching daytime TV.

Anytime an individual successfully transitions from our organization into a job in the community we are thrilled. It feels great to know that we played an important role in helping that person discover and develop their skills and abilities and that the training and work that we provided made a significant difference in their life. It is extremely rewarding to see them take their place in the workforce.

But in fairness to those we serve, the government must deal in reality.

It would be a perfect world if every employer would be willing to hire people with developmental disabilities no matter how significant their intellectual challenges and physical issues might be.

However, that is not the world we currently live in.

There are significant reasons why that type of employment might not work for every individual.

*A person can have behaviors that are not appropriate in a community setting. This can include everything from not respecting personal boundaries, to leaving the job site without warning.

*Often it is the preference of parents to have their son or daughter work in a supported environment, and it is usually the case that the mother or father has a better understanding of their child’s needs and capabilities than a government official does.

*It is possible that a person has serious health issues that employers are not willing to address or be responsible for.

*There can be cases where a person has had a particularly bad experience with community employment or has attempted repeatedly to work in a public setting and has not been successful.

*Some individuals struggle continuously to follow instructions and to stay focused on their assigned tasks.

*Unfortunately there are some people who are not able to control their emotions. There can be situations where a person has a tendency to use extremely inappropriate language when they become upset. This can include harsh profanity and offensive racial slurs.

*Sometimes an individual becomes physically aggressive when they are frustrated, or they resort to self-injury under stressful circumstances.

These are the types of issues that workshops respond to every day with the men and women they employ. If a person has one or more of these challenges, through no fault of their own, should they be penalized with lifelong unemployment because workshops are no longer an option? Is the government willing to sentence them to a life of limited human contact, low physical activity and reduced mental stimulation?

These are the very individuals who need supported employment the most because they are the ones who are less likely to be hired in the community and who will have the most difficulty maintaining a job. They will be sacrificed in the name of “progress”. That is not right and it is not fair.

If the option of being employed in a sheltered workshop is removed, jobs will be taken away from people who desperately need them in the hope that they can find another job that the government deems acceptable. But what percentage of those individuals will actually find employment? And what happens to the people who are tragically left behind?

Ironically, at a time when these dramatic life altering regulations are being passed, we are witnessing an alarming turnover rate for state employees who are charged with monitoring the health, safety and well-being of men and women with intellectual challenges. This revolving door of government workers makes it extremely difficult for them to get to know the clients they are representing.

And due to the ongoing budget deficits that our particular state faces, services and employees in the departments that directly assist individuals with developmental disabilities are being drastically slashed in cost saving measures that show that saving funds is a higher priority than meeting the needs of those who are vulnerable. All of these concerns combine to create a disturbing situation where there is little working knowledge about the needs and desires of clients regarding important aspects of their lives, including their vocational choices.

It is stated repeatedly by the government that this is an issue of choice for the individual. But is it truly about their choice, or is it about trying to manipulate them into making decisions that others want them to make? Aren’t we influencing their ability to determine where they would like to work when we attempt to limit their options? If their choices are already restricted, how will taking away existing employment opportunities help them?

We cannot allow ourselves to get so caught up in numbers and legislative language that we lose sight of the humanity of those we serve. People with intellectual challenges can often be at risk, and therefore they are dependent, at least in part, on the wisdom and compassion of those who have direct influence over their lives. Lawmakers need to take a step back and consider in greater depth the ramifications of their decisions regarding men and women with developmental disabilities.

In the end we have to address this fundamental question: Whose employment choice is it? The individual’s or the government’s?

I have been writing this blog for almost three years now. During that time I have tried, with only a few exceptions, not to focus on myself. We have so many people, particularly our employees and their families, that provide such wonderful ideas and material to work with that there is always an abundance of interesting topics to explore. But just this once I want to explain how thankful I feel to be working at the Meadows.

I was recently at an all-day training event, and a lady approached me and introduced herself. Unfortunately I didn't recognize her, but she said that was understandable because we had only met once, more than ten years ago at one of our Walk-A-Thon fundraisers. At that time she worked for a group home, and she said the reason she remembered me was because she had never met anyone who loved their job as much as I did. She was right. I don’t know of anyone who enjoys their job more than me.

Because the work we do at the Meadows is unique, people are frequently curious about how someone ends up in this particular vocation. Obviously everyone has a different reason, but in my case it was because of a childhood friendship.

I grew up in a neighborhood where there happened to be several children with disabilities. We all played together without giving any thought to any differences we might have had, but one boy named Stephen, who had a developmental disability, became a particularly good friend. For several years we spent time with each other and did things together just like any two kids, but then one day, without warning, Stephen died. There was no indication that something was wrong, there was no long illness, it just happened. But his brief life made a lasting impression on me.

Because of my friend, I became intensely interested in all types of intellectual challenges. That led me to volunteer for several years in the late 1980’s at the J.D. McCarty Center in Norman. It was a rewarding experience because I got to work with individuals who had a wide range of disabilities. Eventually, after being self-employed in our family business for almost thirty years, an opportunity came along to sell the company. At that point I instinctively knew this was the field I wanted to work in, and fortunately that was when I found the Meadows.

During the time I’ve been with the organization I have performed many different jobs, but the position I have now is my favorite. However, it is actually difficult to explain to people exactly what it is I do for a living. While it is true that being the Program Coordinator means dealing with a substantial amount of paperwork to keep us in compliance with state and federal regulations and programs, for me the most meaningful part of the job is trying to ensure that each of the individuals we employ has the best day possible.

That means the job is not only about keeping them physically safe but also about protecting them emotionally and psychologically. It means making sure they know they are valued and that they are important. It means being part of a team that assists them in reaching their full potential. It means supporting them when they struggle, without rendering judgment, and it means being patient while they process information so they can make good choices. It means putting on band aids, heating up meals at lunch and sitting and listening when someone is upset. It means being willing to hear a story you have heard many times before because it is important to them. It means respecting them as a person and allowing them to maintain their dignity at all times. It means accepting them for who they are and appreciating their particular gifts and talents. It means never taking for granted the joy they are so willing to share.

It was just by chance that I found this place, and I sometimes try to imagine how different my life would be if I had not been hired. It is incredible to think of everything I would have missed. The fun, the laughter, the happiness and the relationships that have occurred during my time here have been amazing. I have countless memories that I will always treasure.

However, the principal reason I have remained at the Meadows for so long is because I believe in our mission. Men and women with developmental disabilities have the right to work. It is that simple. If they can be employed in the community that is wonderful. We have had individuals leave here and successfully make that transition because of the job skills they developed with our assistance. But for those who require more intense support and a closely monitored environment, we are able to provide an employment setting that meets their needs.

During the time I’ve been here, many individuals have come to us who felt uncertain about their ability to hold down a job, and I have seen them transform into people filled with confidence. We have worked with adults who were so shy they could barely speak to others who now enjoy being the center of attention. I’ve watched as men and women initially struggled to learn new tasks but because they refused to give up, they overcame their particular challenges to thrive and become productive in all areas of our business. We have had people join us who lacked self-esteem, but with the proper guidance and encouragement they began to believe in themselves and to understand that they had every right to feel proud of their accomplishments.

It is examples like these that makes being part of an organization that changes lives such a privilege. So many people are trapped in jobs that have no meaning for them and that leave them unfulfilled. I’m not sure why I was so lucky to fall into such a perfect situation, but I will be forever grateful.

It is startling how fast the last fifteen years have flown by. It makes me wish I was a couple of decades younger so I wasn’t so close to retirement age. But until that time comes, I will try to remind myself each weekday to appreciate the fact that I am where I want to be, with the people I want to be with. That is something many people never get to experience. Which is why, even on the most difficult days, I know how blessed I am to have this job. 

Only a few are fortunate enough to find a workplace where they fit in, where they have the opportunity to make a difference and where they feel inspired. For me that place is the Meadows.

Because the Meadows is a vocational setting, our focus is on training people with developmental disabilities to provide them with the job skills they need to be successful. However, because of the complex needs of the individuals we work with, it is impossible not to connect with them on a much deeper level. And it is that rich interaction that allows us to see life from their perspective and to understand that perhaps the way they see the world is a beautiful lesson in being human.  

As an employer we must instruct and educate, but we must also be willing to learn from those who work for us. That creates an atmosphere of equality where everyone is free to contribute and share. While we teach individuals with intellectual challenges how to develop their skills and abilities, they teach us about understanding and acceptance. They provide powerful examples of perseverance, dedication and commitment.  

Because they have experienced so many things in life that others have been spared, their point of view is different. Many have endured great physical pain. Some have had multiple surgeries, physical therapy and other forms of treatment. It is moving to see how courageous people with developmental disabilities are, even though they themselves think nothing of it. Their ability to press on through physical and intellectual issues is incredible. But even more impressive is their intense desire to live the fullest life possible no matter how significant their challenges are.  

But what some consider to be their disability often leads to a more positive way of seeing the world. They are able to strip away the cynicism, the hate and the prejudice that afflicts so much of society. Their openness and willingness to trust remains intact despite how they have been treated during their lives. They are blessed with the capacity to forgive and move forward.  

These qualities allow them to see the true values in life. They have the ability to focus on what really matters. They naturally say what they mean without playing games or having a hidden agenda. They are straight forward and sincere.

We can learn from individuals with developmental disabilities by following their example in regard to how they choose to live, in their approach to life and how they deal with problems. They are not preoccupied with the superficial. And because they do not try to manipulate every situation to their advantage, or attempt to lift themselves up at the expense of others, people with intellectual challenges can see situations and relationships with more clarity, without all the baggage that goes along with thinking only of yourself. It makes them more real and more honest as people.

Consider the following examples that illustrate how these positive qualities benefit others.

* When someone who has had a stroke, and only has the use of one hand, perseveres for several minutes to tie the shoe laces of an individual with cerebral palsy whose motor issues do not always allow them to complete that task, it is evidence of the kindness that can be shared when one person is willing to help another.

* When an individual who is nonverbal conveys their affection for a friend who is deaf with a hug, they are expressing the purest form of communication.

* When four people with intellectual challenges play a game, but instead of trying to win they help each other so they can all keep playing, it shows that caring is more important than competition.         

* When a person with limited vision holds the door open for someone who uses a walker they are displaying sincere consideration for another human being.

* When a person with a developmental disability, who reads at a second grade level, valiantly attempts to read to a person who does not understand printed words at all, they are providing a lesson in sharing yourself to the best of your ability.

* When someone with a traumatic brain injury happily dances with a friend who happens to use a wheelchair, they both experience the joy that occurs when people treat others as equals.

* When someone with Down syndrome listens attentively to a person with a speech disorder they are showing the respect that every person deserves.  

* When someone with fragile X syndrome befriends an individual with epilepsy who has multiple seizures each day, they are showing complete acceptance of a person without regard to a diagnosis.

* When a person who has lost their eyesight as the result of a brain tumor, forms a bond with someone who has autism and does not make eye contact, the resulting relationship is based on each individual’s willingness to connect with the other person without judging them.

Because men and women with developmental disabilities consistently demonstrate that every person’s life has the same value, it is our loss if we refuse to learn from the lessons they share with us. But if we will take their kindness and compassion to heart, and treat everyone with dignity and respect, we will not only improve their lives but it will also make us better people.  

Individuals with intellectual challenges show us why we should accept each person for who they are, instead of trying to change them into who we think they should be. They help us appreciate the beauty and power of diversity that leads to the equal treatment of all members of society. They know that winning the race is not what counts. What is truly important is slowing down and helping those who are struggling to keep up.  

They realize that life is not about material success. It’s not about power, privilege or position. Individuals with developmental disabilities rarely have those things. Their experiences have taught them that it’s people, not possessions that matter.  

They teach us to never give up, no matter how daunting the obstacles. They display great courage in attempting new challenges, and they show us that failing at a particular task does not make a person a failure.  

But the most important thing they help us understand is that we can all learn from each other. We should never deceive ourselves into believing that a person does not have wisdom to share just because they have a developmental disability. Although people with intellectual challenges might have difficulty expressing their incredible view of life, it is far more powerful that they live it.  

There are some days at the Meadows that are so remarkable, I can’t help but wonder who is really teaching who.

Someone I did not know has died. So why does it matter to me?

Early each morning I drive by a long-term care facility on my way to work. My route takes me over a hill, and when I reach the top, the sprawling structure is barely visible in the predawn shadows. But once every few months when I come up over the incline, I look over and see emergency vehicles in the parking lot, their red lights piercing through the darkness. And each time this happens a feeling of sadness sweeps over me because I realize that someone has died.

I’ve passed this building each weekday for years, and unfortunately this has happened on multiple occasions. Although death is an inevitable part of life, there is just something about the darkness of the early hour and suddenly seeing all the flashing lights that makes it so troubling. But why should I be concerned about the death of someone I’ve never met? I don’t know their name, their age or their gender. In every way, their life is a complete blank to me. However, they were a human being just like you and me, and in the end that is all that matters.

Whenever one of these deaths occur, I find myself thinking about the deceased as I go through the day.

Was the individual married or had they lost their spouse? Was the person a grandfather who will not see his grandchildren grow up, or was it a loving mother whose daughters will, in many ways, always feel lost without her? Perhaps it was someone that served our country in the military, who made incredible sacrifices, and possibly witnessed things in war that continued to haunt them. Maybe it was an individual with a developmental disability who spent their life fighting to be accepted as an equal, or perhaps the person had an intellectual challenge resulting from a traumatic brain injury or a stroke. Perhaps they were living with Alzheimer’s disease or some form of dementia. What was their level of awareness? Did they recognize their family or had they slipped into a world that was blurry and confusing?

I consider the possible circumstances of their death. Did they finally succumb to a long illness or did the end of their life come suddenly without warning. Most importantly, when they died were they surrounded by their loved ones or were they forced to face death alone? For me it is particularly disturbing to think of someone dying without family at their side, but unfortunately that is sometimes the case. But despite my conjecture, the fact remains that their life is a mystery to me.

So why do we care when someone passes away that we don’t personally know? Possibly it’s because we each understand that someday that will be us. Deep down inside we want to think that we lived a life that was important. We want to believe that we made a difference in the world, and we want to know that we will be missed.

When a person dies, no matter what their situation in life, there is a ripple effect as others are touched by the loss. In some small way the world is changed. When I witness one of these events it makes an impact on me. Therefore I decided to write about it, and because you are now reading this, it is hopefully having an effect on you.

I think one of the reasons this kind of death captures my attention is because the man or woman was most likely dependent on others for their welfare. Obviously we are most vulnerable at the beginning and end of our lives. In both cases we are at the mercy of others to care for us and to protect us. I know absolutely nothing about this particular facility, but I certainly hope that all of the individual’s physical, mental and emotional needs were met, and that they were treated with dignity and respect at all times.

Of course I realize that in this day and age, with almost unlimited information at our finger tips, it would not be that difficult to find out who the person was, but somehow that seems like an invasion of their privacy. They did not know me, so it just doesn’t seem right that I should intrude on their life. It is not necessary for me to have personal knowledge about them in order to feel a sense of loss, because no matter who they were, their life mattered. If we don’t believe that, we lose our humanity. We lose our sense of who we are and how we should relate to others.

Each time I pass over the crest of the hill and encounter the red emergency lights in the darkness, the traffic on the highway continues to move along at a high rate of speed. Hundreds of people drive by, and I wonder if, in their haste to get to work, they allow themselves a moment to glance over at all the activity at the facility and realize the implications. Even though they are preoccupied with their own problems and issues, do they pause and notice that someone else’s life has come to an end? Am I alone in feeling the way that I do?

Sadly in the next few months the scene will repeat itself, and early one morning I will discover that another person has died. And although they are a complete stranger to me, I will care.

The Meadows Center for Opportunity is a non-profit foundation that offers employment and vocational training to men and women with developmental disabilities and other intellectual and physical challenges. Our mission is to provide the opportunity for adults to work in a safe and supervised setting where they can maximize their existing strengths and abilities while they learn new skills that can benefit them in the future.  

For more than three decades our organization has been blessed with consistent success, due in large part to the incredible loyalty of our customers. They have been unwavering in their support of our efforts to make a difference through meaningful employment. We could not be a positive force for people with disabilities without their help.  

Some of our customers use us specifically because of the individuals we hire. They want to be part of something that adds value to the community and that plays an important role in the lives of people who are often marginalized. Others use our services because of the exceptionally high quality of our work and our affordable pricing structure, but no matter what their motivation, we are extremely grateful for each of the more than 3,000 customers statewide who choose the Meadows for their secure data destruction.   

Obviously their patronage gives us the ability to ensure that our employees receive a steady paycheck, but it provides so much more than just financial stability. It also gives adults with developmental disabilities the opportunity to be successful which builds their self-esteem and self-confidence. It gives them a sense of acceptance as they work as part of a team for a common goal. It allows them to experience the dignity of work. 

The businesses, government agencies, schools, medical facilities, law firms and other organizations that use us for their shredding needs are truly partners in our mission to change lives. Without their ongoing support we would not be able maintain our commitment to hire people who are frequently ignored in the job market, but who sincerely want to work - and have the right to work.

The individuals we employ have achieved and accomplished far more than many believed was possible, and our customers deserve a great deal of the credit for acting on their conviction that adults with intellectual challenges deserve to work. Their continuing support allows our organization to consistently maintain a standard of excellence that is the direct result of the amazing efforts of our employees.

The jobs that our customers help to provide are an important part of the lives of those who are among the most vulnerable in our society. These men and women take great pride in having the opportunity to reach their maximum potential. Their complete dedication in doing their work correctly and efficiently gives us the flexibility to meet deadlines and to adjust to any other special requirements that might be needed.  

Over the years some of our customers have also made contributions to our annual fundraiser, which typically generates between $50,000 and $60,000 dollars. That money is used to purchase new equipment and to upgrade our facility so that we can continue to provide the most professional service possible. We are grateful for the corporate compassion they show in their ongoing commitment to the individuals we employ.   

Unfortunately it is quite easy for a business to think of their customers as faceless non-human entities and vice versa. But in reality, both sides of the transaction are composed of a diverse collection of people all sharing the same hopes, dreams and aspirations. What is different about those who choose to do business with us is their ability to see the humanity of the individuals we employ. They understand that every person should be accepted for who they are, without judgment, regardless of the particular issues they face. They realize that adults with developmental disabilities deserve to have the opportunity to succeed and should not be denied that chance because of a diagnosis. And they believe they have a responsibility to organizations like ours who are providing the structure necessary to allow people with intellectual challenges to achieve their very best.

Through their willingness to embrace the beauty and power of diversity, and by providing the dignity and respect that people with disabilities deserve, our clientele set a powerful example for others to follow.   

On behalf of our management team, our staff and the incredible men and women we employ, the Meadows would like to express our deepest thanks and sincerest appreciation to our customers for supporting our mission through the years.

We look forward to working together in the future.

Memories are our most prized possessions. They are an accounting of the milestones that have shaped our lives, allowing us to relive the most important moments. The births, the graduations and the weddings are all stored in our minds to be treasured. Each memory is an important part of the collective evidence of the life we’ve led. They are a mental transcript of all the experiences that make up our past, but most importantly, our memories keep us close to those we’ve lost.

Vivid memories can be good or bad. Some people are unfortunately haunted by events that they are unable to forget. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a debilitating condition that affects people who have witnessed or survived the very worst in life. Their dreams and thought patterns can be disrupted by images and recollections that bring back the pain of a horrific moment.

Sometimes a compelling memory is so disturbing that it cannot be suppressed, and it begins to dominate a person’s life. In severe cases it can interfere with their ability to function and cause them to lose touch with reality as they withdraw from the world. In those cases help must be sought. No one should suffer needlessly when there are treatments that can help an individual cope with tragedy and loss.

When people begin to experience the first signs of dementia it is usually the failure of their memory that acts as an early warning sign that something is not right. As the deterioration continues, their memories are often compromised to the point where they no longer recognize those who love them. This causes a level of anguish and heartache that is extremely difficult for families to deal with, and in the saddest possible way clearly illustrates the importance that our memories play in our lives. Traumatic brain injuries, strokes and tumors can also profoundly affect memory. It can be a tenuous lifelong challenge for an individual to recover the memories they had before an accident or health issue changed their life.

Because memories are so powerful, they can warm our hearts or bring us to tears. They can fill us with joy or make us grieve. The images that we retain help to define us. How we remember something makes it seem true in our minds no matter how much it has been altered over time. Our memories comprise our personal history. We can choose to share them with others or we can guard them closely so that no one else knows about them.

Our memories can actually influence our behavior and therefore play a role in determining our actions. If we remember things that are pleasant and heartwarming we feel good about ourselves, and that is reflected in our attitudes and our perspective on life. If are memories are predominately bad they can make us cynical, unwilling to trust and less compassionate.

Interestingly almost anything can trigger a memory. A sight, a sound, an aroma or just a feeling that sweeps over us can cause us to spontaneously remember something meaningful that we had long since forgotten. Such is the beauty of our minds. Perhaps memories are always there just under the surface waiting to be brought up to our consciousness in some way.

Fortunately memories from our past can be used to assist us in the present. When we are faced with a particular issue or challenge we can recall another time when we had to be courageous or willing to take a chance. We can think back to other successes that we’ve had in order to build our confidence for the current task.

The majority of our memories are made up of the common occurrences that we are all familiar with. However, it’s often the small quiet moments that end up being the most important, even though we may not appreciate them at the time. We naturally tend to focus on the momentous occasions that are documented with photos and video and yet in the end it is the seemingly insignificant things that hold the most meaning for us. A sincere compliment that was shared when it was needed most, a gentle act of kindness that was completely unexpected or a warm embrace when a hug conveyed far more than words could say, these are the things that we remember because they let us know that someone cared.

Thankfully we do not have to wait for a memorable moment to randomly occur. At any time we can choose to be proactive and take the necessary actions to create situations and circumstances that have positive effects on others that they will remember. That is why it is so important to make thoughtful memories whenever we can. By showing concern and compassion we can create moments that people will never forget. All that is required is a willingness on our part to think of someone else.

Of course our most heartfelt memories are created around those we love and care about, and they become increasingly important with the passage of time. We value them because they represent points in our lives that we can never return to. People and places change. We move forward leading us into new relationships and situations, but through our memories the past is never really lost. It is there for us to recall and to enjoy whenever we wish.

However, it is when death claims someone we love that our memories become most precious. Although they are no longer physically present we can embrace our mental images and the strong emotion we have for that person and still feel close to them. In that way they continue to be a part of our lives. We can remember the sound of their voice, we can hear their laughter and in our mind we can see their smile. A beautiful memory of a loved one is like a recording that can be replayed as often as needed. It is a gift they leave with us so that we will not forget them.

Someday we will come to the end of our own lives, and our legacy will be the memories that others have of us. It is up to each of us to live in such a way that those memories will be cherished and treasured.