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Every parent can clearly remember the exact moment they received the diagnosis that their child had an intellectual challenge. It is a point that alters your life because nothing will ever be the same. The diagnosis changes everything, for everyone, forever. A person can never go back to the life they had before they were given the news. 

Each mother and father deals with this altered reality in their own way. Upon getting the diagnosis that their son or daughter has a developmental disability many parents are devastated. They immediately realize that the life they had imagined for their child is now gone. They know they are going to experience a different journey than the one they had hoped for. This sometimes leads to disappointment, frustration, anger and resentment. As they consider the future they can feel overwhelmed and despondent.

In the beginning, some parents refuse to accept the diagnosis. They go into a form of denial, choosing not to believe what they’ve been told about their child. They desperately want the medical professionals to be wrong. They cannot understand how this could happen to their family. They try to convince themselves that all of the testing is incorrect, but eventually it becomes obvious that there is a significant issue that must be acknowledged.

In some instances, such as with Down syndrome or when an individual also has cerebral palsy, there can be physical characteristics that go with the intellectual challenge. However, in many cases children with developmental disabilities physically appear no different than anyone else. This can make it even more difficult to believe the diagnosis.

Obviously it takes time to adjust to any kind of life altering news, but when it affects your child it can be even harder to accept. Every mother and father on earth wants their son or daughter to be happy and healthy. They want them to have the opportunity in life to reach their full potential. They want them to avoid as many medical issues as possible, and they want them to be respected by others. The anxiety that can descend on a parent when they realize that their child is going to face the very challenges they had hoped to spare them from can be crushing.

In certain situations parents begin to suspect there are issues for their child even before any medical testing is actually performed. Significant developmental delays can make parents feel concerned about the lack of progress their child is showing in comparison to the advancements that other children are making. Delays in such milestones as mobility and speech are often key indicators that there is an intellectual issue that cannot be ignored or explained away.

But even though parents might suspect or even fear that their son or daughter has a disability, actually hearing the news from a health professional can still be devastating. It is human nature to hope against hope that there is some other explanation for why a child is not progressing, but getting the actual diagnosis of an intellectual challenge removes any doubt. It is a startling reality that hits a parent with an emotional impact that is difficult to absorb.

There is an almost unavoidable sense of loss that comes with such a diagnosis. The child they thought they would raise is not the person that will be growing up with their help. The realization that they now have a lifetime responsibility to care for someone who can be vulnerable and possibly medically fragile is daunting to some. They are consumed with all kinds of questions that can sometimes prove elusive to answer.

It is often the case that parents have little or no experience with any type of intellectual challenge. They have never been around individuals with developmental disabilities or families who have a loved one with that particular diagnosis. There is a steep learning curve that must be overcome so that they know how to assist their child in the best possible way. They are forced to learn through trial and error, and that can be frustrating and discouraging. In some circumstances they feel alone. They can feel disconnected from couples with children the same age.

When parents are given the diagnosis of an intellectual challenge, friends and acquaintances sometimes do not know how to react. They may want to express sorrow at the diagnosis or say they understand how you are feeling when in fact they have no idea what it like to receive such news. Sometimes they choose to say nothing at all, and their silence increases the feelings of isolation.

When a child is diagnosed it affects the entire family. If there are other children they can begin to feel left out or neglected if their sibling’s disability, out of necessity, demands extra time and attention. Parents certainly want to be fair and treat all of their children the same way, but it is not always possible.

It is also important to understand that the diagnosis of an intellectual challenge is by no means confined to birth or early childhood. At any point in a child’s life it can be determined that they have diminished cognitive function. This can result from a traumatic brain injury, a stroke, brain tumor or the onset of various other diseases. A child can be born completely healthy but have some type of medical complication as they are growing up that restricts blood flow to the brain and significant damage can occur. It is a fact of life that we all must live with.

The effects resulting from a diagnosis of a developmental disability are lifelong for everyone involved. Tremendous progress for the individual can be made. Their quality of life can be outstanding. Their achievements and accomplishments can be meaningful and inspiring - but the disability is permanent. It does not go away. And that is a sobering truth that is difficult for parents to accept when they are first given the news that their son or daughter has an intellectual challenge.

The prospect of having a child who will always be, at some level, dependent on you is a responsibility without end. It is a fact that changes not only the present but also the future. Decisions will continually need to be made that reflect what is best for the individual with the disability no matter how it affects the personal lives of their parents and siblings.

But despite all of the fear and uncertainty, the natural parental bond is intensely powerful. Understanding and acceptance soon overtake sadness and regret. At that point a mother and father completely embrace the child they are blessed with instead of missing the one they expected to have. They realize that their son or daughter is a complete human being like any other, who will have the same hopes, dreams and aspirations as other people. They know in their hearts that their child has the same rights as anyone else, and each mother and father gathers their strength and courage to begin the lifelong journey they will share as a family.

The parent child relationship cannot be altered by a disability. Our children are part of us because we created them, and that is the strongest connection human beings can have. The unconditional love that a parent has for their child is far stronger than any challenges their son or daughter might have, and it overcomes all the issues associated with a diagnosis.

It is often the case that families who have a child with a developmental disability are stronger, more resilient and more caring. They grow closer together because they appreciate each other, and they do not take things for granted. They learn to live one day at a time and to enjoy it to the fullest. They realize that the most important moments can happen when they are least expected. They make as many memories as they can as they attempt to create a future for their child that is based on dignity and respect. They are guardians and advocates fighting tirelessly for their son or daughter to be accepted as an equal.

Most importantly, parents understand that a diagnosis is a way of determining the meaning of symptoms and behaviors.

It does not determine the value of their child’s life.

Kindness is one of the most important attributes that humanity possesses. It embodies empathy, concern and most importantly goodness. It is freely given and yet it is invaluable. However, it is something we rarely consider. We each go through our day without recognizing the many opportunities we have to be kind to others. How different our world would be if we would made kindness a priority instead of an afterthought. 

Life can be incredibly difficult for countless reasons, but the kindness we show to others can ease the challenges that we all face. Each one of us have experienced moments when out of the blue someone was kind to us. The fact that we have not forgotten such acts, clearly demonstrate their power. Kindness is remembered because of how it makes us feel.

Certainly the need for kindness is all around us. If we will take the time to observe our neighborhood, our workplace, our community and our society we will see endless chances to share kindness with those who need it. Fortunately, it is a human quality that we have complete control over. No matter what else is going on in our lives, we can always make the choice to be kind.

Kindness is important because how we relate to other people is based, in large measure, on whether they make us feel good or bad. It determines if we want to enjoy their company or avoid them at all costs. And one of the best ways to make a person feel good is to be kind to them. There are many times in life when we can be beaten down by events over which we have no control. We can become weary and hope can be elusive. It is when we are struggling that a simple act of kindness can mean so much.

Kindness does not require money or authority. It has no relation to power, position or prestige. Anyone, in any situation, can be kind.

For years I handed out meals downtown to individuals who were homeless, and I have watched many people who were hungry open the bag of food, tear the sandwich in half and share it with another person who was afraid to approach my car. These men and women had absolutely nothing in the world to give but their kindness.

Kindness brings people together and allows them to share a moment in time.

Several times each year a group of mothers of some of our clients come to the Meadows and prepare a luncheon for the staff. The food is incredible, and it is one of the few times when all the staff members get to sit down and enjoy a meal together. Everyone looks forward to it, but the only reason it happens is because of the kindness of these women. They willingly contribute their time and effort to make a special day for us that we appreciate.

Kindness can ease the heaviest of life’s burdens.

A few years ago, as one of my family battled through the final stages of her fight with cancer, our Executive Director and our VP of Operations allowed me to take off every Monday for several months so I could take my turn staying with her. They didn’t have to do that. We were very busy at the time, and when I’m not at work it falls on them to cover for me, but they shared genuine kindness at a time when it meant the most.

The vast majority of people are naturally kind. They want to treat others well, and they would like to do the right thing. However, it is easy to get so caught up in our own lives and problems that we overlook those in need, not because we don’t care but because we are preoccupied. That is why we must try to remember that, even though we each have our own worries and concerns to deal with, it is important to make the effort to be kind to those around us.

Unfortunately, there is so much negativity in the world that a simple act of kindness stands out as the exception in our daily experience. That is why when you are kind to someone they do not forget. It makes an impression. It creates a bond that is shared in a personal way. A smile, a kind word or a compliment only takes a moment and yet it can mean so much to another person.

Genuine kindness reflects our character and demonstrates who we really are. While it is true that in many professions you are expected to be kind and your pay is based, at least in part, on how you treat customers, patients or those who are vulnerable, we should not focus on receiving something in return. The feeling we get when we are kind to others is the real reward.

Kindness can be spectacular or it can take place in the quietest of moments. It can happen in front of a crowd or it can occur out of sight. It can be planned or spontaneous. Sometimes we demonstrate kindness just by listening. When we focus on another person and give them our undivided attention, we are letting them know that we care. But perhaps the greatest kindness we can show to someone is to simply accept them for who they are – without judgment.

No matter what our beliefs, the fact must be acknowledged that we are all here together at the same time sharing our daily lives. And we all benefit in important and meaningful ways when we are kind to each other. That is why kindness should be more than an occasional gesture, it should be an attitude that we embrace without reservation.

We must never underestimate the power of kindness. It can change a moment, a day or a life.

Helen was the mother of two beautiful daughters and grandmother of three. She had just spent a pleasant Saturday morning working in her flowerbeds. Now in her mid-sixties, she and her husband were finalizing plans for their retirement. It was certain to be a topic of discussion over lunch. They would soon be heading out to their favorite Italian restaurant, but first she wanted to take a quick shower. Because she was in a hurry she was not a cautious as usual. As Helen was trying to adjust the sprayer she lost her balance and slipped. As she fell, her head struck the side of the tub with terrific force, fracturing the back of her skull and leaving her unconscious.

Ethan was driving to his friend’s house on a rainy Thursday night. In less than six weeks his buddy would be the best man at his wedding. Eighteen months ago, at the age of twenty-four, Ethan had found the love of his life. As he sat at a traffic light thinking about everything he and his fiancé had to do before the wedding he felt nervous. When the light turned green he eased his car into the intersection. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw a large SUV, but he had no time to react as the driver ran the red light and crashed into his door without hitting the brakes. The impact smashed the metal of Ethan’s subcompact, crushing the left side of his skull.

Taylor was an active eight year old little girl with a new bike that she had gotten for her birthday the month before. Because she lived in a neighborhood without sidewalks she was riding up and down the street on a sunny afternoon. It didn’t take long for her to begin to feel warm so, even though she had been warned repeatedly by her parents not to, she took her helmet off and tossed it in the yard. A few minutes later as she neared the end of the street a car came around the corner startling her. Taylor overreacted and lost control. Her bike hit the side of the curb and threw her head first into the street. She hit the pavement, rolled one time, and then laid motionless.

All three of these individuals survived their accidents, however they each sustained a traumatic brain injury. In a split second their lives were changed forever, as were those of the families who loved them.

Helen’s plans for a beautiful retirement vanished in a heartbeat. Now her husband of forty plus years had to assume the role of caregiver as she bravely fought to regain her ability to organize her thoughts into understandable speech. Ethan’s upcoming wedding was placed on hold indefinitely as his fiancée wavered on whether she wanted to endure the emotional toll of sharing her future with a person whose personality had dramatically changed. Taylor’s parents were overwhelmed as they struggled to accept the fact that their little girl now had an intellectual challenge and had lost the use of her right arm and leg.

The life of each of these human beings was dramatically altered in an instant. There was no warning. It just happened. On the day that these accidents occurred, more than 4,600 other Americans shared the same fate. That group included toddlers, children, teenagers, adults and seniors from every walk of life. Among these individuals there were tragic deaths while others were left with significant intellectual and physical disabilities. Some were fortunate enough to make a full recovery and continue their lives without lingering effects. Thankfully advances in a wide range of medical technology, and an overall increase in our knowledge of the brain, has improved the likelihood of surviving such injuries.

However, when most people think of intellectual challenges they tend to focus on those who were born with a developmental disability. They naturally assume that these individuals were diagnosed at birth or as young children. They rarely stop to realize that brain function can be diminished at any moment. Patience, understanding and acceptance are important when dealing with people who have suffered a head injury no matter what their stage of life – and we can never discount the possibility that we could someday join their ranks.

In severe cases, a TBI not only has a life changing effect on the individual, it also impacts those that love them. Months and sometimes years of surgical procedures and various forms of therapy are often necessary to restore quality of life. The families endure the emotional distress of seeing their loved ones in physical pain and suffering from the mental effects of their brain injury. A person’s thought processes, their emotional stability and there psychological state can all be adversely affected by the trauma.

Here are the statistics regarding traumatic brain injuries in the United States:

An estimated 1.7 million people sustain a TBI annually.

TBI’s are responsible for 52,000 deaths each year.

275,000 are hospitalized with TBI’s annually.

5.3 million Americans currently live with disabilities resulting from TBI.

Moderate to severe brain injury is associated with an increased risk of dementia.

Leading causes of traumatic brain injuries:

Falls 35.2%

Vehicle accidents 17.3%

Blows to the head (struck by / against) including sports injuries 16.5%

Assault 10%

Unknown 21%

Another cause of TBI’s that is frequently not listed separately in statistics is combat. Heartbreakingly, traumatic brain injuries have always been a part of war, and too often our soldiers return home with catastrophic wounds. Blasts from explosive devices are one of the leading causes of brain damage among personnel in military conflicts. It is believed that between 10% and 20% of Iraq veterans have some level of brain injury. These men and women are permanently affected as they begin the long struggle to recovery. The courage they demonstrate at home is just as great as the courage they showed on the battlefield. Our nation has a responsibility to make certain that they receive the very best of care and that their families are assisted in every way possible as they try to build a future together.

Of course no matter how a TBI occurs or who it happens to, each person deserves our compassion and support as they make the difficult journey back to good health. Most importantly each individual must be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.

Helen will require assistance bathing for the rest of her life. Ethan will never drive a car again. Taylor will always need to use a walker to assist with her mobility. But those facts do not make them less of a person. Their lives matter just as much as they did before the accidents. Their value and worth has not changed even though they are not the same as they once were.

In the end we have to ask ourselves, what is it that makes us human? Is it physical capacity? Is it cognitive function? Is it the ability to communicate? Is it a certain level of awareness? Or is it something that occurs much deeper inside of an individual?

It is beyond inspiring that after such a devastating injury a person struggles and battles with everything they’ve got to recover their sense of being. There is no greater testament to the power of the human spirit than the strength and determination shown by those who fight to regain as much of their life as possible after a traumatic brain injury.

Surely it is that indomitable desire to live that defines our humanity.

As human beings we have an overwhelming desire to be accepted. We want others to feel comfortable around us so that we can enjoy inclusion in all the areas of life that we believe are important. We each do our best to fit in and to not stand out in a way that draws negative attention to ourselves. Every one of us has a basic need to be valued and respected for who we are.

However, we all experience moments in our lives when we do not receive acceptance. In such situations we often try to convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter what people think of us, but that is not true. When it comes to how we are viewed by our peers, we actually care deeply about the opinions of others. Everyone wants to be seen in the best possible light. We want people to have a favorable impression of us.

It is exactly the same for individuals with developmental disabilities. They also want to be acknowledged and appreciated. But it can be quite difficult for someone to believe that they deserve to be accepted when they’ve been told they are different, and they have been made to feel less.

If a person with an intellectual challenge is continually treated as if their life doesn’t matter, the rejection they experience can begin to make them believe they are not worthy of acceptance. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, and even isolation from the community. As their frustration grows their behavior can change, and in desperation they may attempt to be noticed in ways that are not socially approved. Being ignored by their peers can have a negative impact on their overall mental health.

Usually the main reason someone refuses to accept another person is because they believe that individual is not like them. In some way they seem different and that alone is enough to label them as unacceptable. People with developmental disabilities know this line of thinking all too well. When someone refuses to accept you because you are nonverbal, because you have difficulty controlling your muscles, because you learn at a slower rate, because you cannot always manage your emotions or because of your physical characteristics, it is wrong. A human being cannot help the fact that they live with particular challenges, any more than a person can choose their gender or ethnicity.

Ironically it is frequently the case that those who have faced rejection themselves become the most accepting of others. Because they know firsthand how it feels to be marginalized, they go out of their way not to treat anyone else the way they’ve been treated. They know from personal experience how unfair it can be when others refuse to accept you for reasons that you have no control over. People with intellectual challenges are frequently willing to accept others without hesitation, even though they do not receive the same treatment in return.

Fortunately when the excuses for not accepting someone with a developmental disability are broken down, it becomes obvious that what we might initially think are legitimate reasons actually have no validity at all. None of the issues listed above tell us anything about what kind of person they are. They do not describe their personality or give clues to their honesty or integrity. They do not provide any evidence concerning their capacity for friendship or their joy for life. They do not convey their kindness or their compassion. And they certainly do not define their humanity.

For people with intellectual challenges, acceptance is crucial to having a healthy sense of self-worth. It gives them confidence and builds their self-esteem by making them feel valued and appreciated. It lets them know that they matter to others, and it provides the opportunity to have a positive impact in life.

That kind of acceptance can be shown through the touch of one person’s hand on another or with a pat on the back. It can be conveyed through a smile or a kind word. It can even be communicated by simply choosing to be with the person, in the moment, giving them your undivided attention. Almost any action or gesture that lifts another person up is a way of letting them know that you accept them as someone who is neither inferior nor superior but equal.

But for acceptance to occur, we must stop being judgmental and resist the temptation to jump to conclusions without the facts. We have to be willing to take the time to actually get to know someone. It is only when we open our hearts and minds to the realization that we are all the same that we truly learn to accept others. If we will acknowledge the beauty and power of diversity we will begin to understand that every person, no matter what particular issues or challenges they live with, is worthy of acceptance.

The following real life example illustrates how important it is for a person to be accepted for who they are.

Recently I was sorting through some old files in my office, and I opened up one for a woman with a developmental disability who left us many years ago when she moved out of state. In a meeting she had been asked this question: “What is the one thing you would like to do most in your life?” A typical response would be taking an exciting vacation or getting to meet someone famous, but her answer was touching. Her simple reply was, “Go on my first date.” This woman was in her sixties.

Sadly the lack of acceptance she had endured throughout her life had denied her the personal social interaction that most of us take for granted.

Each day as people drive past our parking lot they glance over, see our sign and notice our business. But they really have no way of knowing that something amazing is happening inside our building. Monday through Friday people with intellectual and physical challenges come to work at our facility and transform their lives.

The Meadows is a place where disabilities fade and abilities rise to the surface.

Our mission is to provide employment and vocational training to men and women who are too often denied their right to participate in the job market. We accomplish this by not only supplying the opportunity to work, but more importantly by offering understanding and acceptance.

Each person is treated as an individual.

Comparisons are not made - no one is ever measured against someone else. Our organization is built on a foundation of equality which ensures that each person that works here receives the respect they deserve. They are hired because their humanity is valued. They are important. Their life matters.

We do not judge a person based on what they can or cannot do.

They are not judged by their lack of work experience or job skills. They are not judged by their age, gender, or ethnicity. They are not judged by the way they move, the way they speak or the way they think. They are not judged because of complex medical issues that can affect their physical, mental or emotional health. There is no judgment at all.

The Meadows helps to make hopes and dreams come true.

This not only applies to the individuals we hire but to their families as well. We give parents and guardians a place they can trust with their loved one’s safety. We provide assurance that their son or daughter is being productive and is engaged in meaningful work that is expanding their world and giving them important experiences that they would not otherwise have.

We help our employees discover their talents and develop their abilities.

The vocational skills they learn here will benefit them for the rest of their lives. They will be better prepared for the future no matter what type of employment they seek. The self-esteem they gain by performing a variety of job tasks will give them the confidence they need to be successful.

Our workers are never pressured to improve their job performance.

We are not like other businesses because the men and women we employ are allowed to make mistakes and sometimes fail without being made to feel like a failure. They are reassured and encouraged to keep trying and to not give up. Instead of problems, we prefer to focus on promise, potential and progress. There are no harsh expectations, but rather individuals are given the opportunity to do what is possible for them.

All intellectual and physical issues are dealt with compassionately.

We are able to balance structure with adaptability so that we can meet the diverse needs of our employees. Our work environment is filled with caring and consideration. People feel safe and secure. They can focus on their jobs knowing that if a problem develops we are there to help them.

This is where people find a sense of achievement.

Being employed is critically important for people with developmental disabilities. When they are hired it raises their self-esteem to know that someone believes in them. It provides them with opportunities to use all of their talents and to develop new skills. Being given responsibility for vocational tasks imparts a feeling of self-worth. Having a job keeps them active mentally and physically. It allows them to connect with other people and to learn to interact in positive ways.

Each of our employees is accepted and appreciated for who they really are.

They gain a sense of belonging as they become part of a team working for a common goal. We provide an atmosphere of laughter, fun and joy, where friendships are born and thrive. Our organization stands as an example to the community of the beauty and power of diversity as we demonstrate what men and women with disabilities can accomplish when they are given the proper support.

Our employees create memories that will last a lifetime.

Each weekday we open our doors, and our workers slowly stream in. The men and women range in age from 18 to 73. They have autism, Down syndrome, fragile X syndrome, Prader-Willi syndrome, cerebral palsy, traumatic brain injuries, epilepsy and more. They have survived strokes and brain tumors. They have endured everything from heart surgery to reconstructive orthopedic procedures. Some have paralysis on one side of their body. Some have significant hearing or vision issues. Some use walkers to help with their mobility and some wear leg braces. But each morning - no matter what their particular challenges are - they overcome them and arrive at work ready to perform their jobs to the best of their ability.

That makes the Meadows a place where courage is on display every day.

The importance of jobs cannot be overstated because they provide the foundation for our nation’s economic stability. The more people that are working, the better off we are as a society. Employment empowers individuals by giving them the means to support themselves and by providing them with the ability to purchase the goods and services they need. That creates more jobs which drives productivity and innovation resulting in a healthy economy.

That is why it’s such a tragic situation when someone wants to work, but there are no employment opportunities. However, it is even more heartbreaking when people are denied the chance to work even when jobs are available. That is the situation that is often faced by people with developmental disabilities.

Each morning when a person wakes up, they need a reason to climb out of bed. They need to know they have activities scheduled that will occupy them in a meaningful way. They need to have goals that they can attempt to achieve, and they need to feel like their time will be spent in a way that adds value to their life. For most of us, it is our work that provides the incentive to get up and get going.

But what if you woke up each morning without a job to go to, and with nothing to fill your time? What if your day was comprised of just sitting around the house doing the exact same things over and over? What if you rarely went anywhere and had very few interactions with others? What if you did not have the opportunity to learn new things or have interesting experiences?

For many of those we care about, that is their reality. Sadly 7 out of 10 people with intellectual challenges do not work. A heartbreaking 70% unemployment rate means that more than 3 million people do not have the chance to be productive in a job setting. They do not have the opportunity to contribute, and they don’t earn a paycheck. Often their world is limited to their house or apartment so their skills, talents and abilities go undeveloped. And because steady employment is not part of their routine, every day is the same, and as time goes by they can become more and more isolated.

That is unacceptable.

A significant portion of our lives revolves around the time we spend at work. So for those who are not given the chance to be employed, there is a huge void to fill. For individuals with developmental disabilities, that time is often spent engaged in pursuits that do not help them grow as a person, that do not stimulate them mentally, and that provide little or no physical activity. Typically a job provides a more worthwhile form of fulfillment than can be attained by being forced to stay at home.

Because work is so critically important, it is crucial that everyone is involved, including men and women with intellectual challenges. Having a job gives them a sense of responsibility. They are motivated to consistently give their best effort so that their coworkers can depend on them. Work increases their knowledge as they learn new skills and improve their abilities, and it provides the opportunity for them to interact with all kinds of people and to develop healthy relationships built on understanding and acceptance.

Employment is one of the activities that gives our lives meaning. Obviously it rewards a person financially but more importantly it rewards them with confidence and self-esteem. It generates personal growth by providing challenges that make people stronger, and it sets goals for them to try to achieve. When an individual with a developmental disability has a job, it helps to define them in their own mind, as well as in the minds of others. It gives them a feeling of belonging. As they are acknowledged for their efforts, they earn the respect they deserve. Being employed opens up a world of possibilities by creating a brighter future for their lives.

However, when a person wants to work but no one is willing to give them the opportunity, it is demoralizing. The frustration can become overwhelming. If they are consistently turned down for jobs, or not even given the opportunity to apply, it can have a detrimental effect on their self-image. To be considered unemployable for reasons you have no control over can be devastating to a person’s self-esteem.

Ironically, many in the general public only work because they have to. If they had a choice, they would prefer to do almost anything besides their job. They are not interested in improving their performance or increasing their skills. They do not want to be challenged, and they do not care if their coworkers can depend on them. They simply want to coast through each work day and do as little as possible.

On the other hand, there are hundreds of thousands of men and women with developmental disabilities who want, and deserve, the opportunity to demonstrate that they can be successfully employed. They want to be useful to society, to make a difference and to improve themselves in the process. They would welcome the chance to have the jobs that others complain about and avoid.

For a person with an intellectual challenge, the very act of being hired is a demonstration of an employer’s belief in them as a person. It means that someone thinks they are worthy of being trained to perform a task that they will be paid for, and it allows them to take their place in the workforce where they will have the opportunity to excel to the best of their abilities.

These individuals have the same need to feel useful and appreciated as anyone else. They want to know that they matter to others. They want to enjoy inclusion and all the benefits that come with being accepted for who they are. They want to make an impact on their community. They want to be successful.

It is wrong to deny them that opportunity.

As a society we must be willing to make the accommodations, adjustments and adaptions necessary so that each person with a developmental disability that is capable of being employed has the chance to experience the dignity of work.

During the last two years there have been over 50 posts on this blog, totaling more than 75,000 words. Almost all of the writing has been about developmental disabilities and intellectual challenges, with a specific focus on the incredible men and women we employ. But now it is time to introduce you to the people in management who deserve a tremendous amount of credit for making the Meadows such a success.

Some of you may not be aware of our reputation in Oklahoma. We are considered one of the premier workshops in the state. In fact we are often cited as an example of how to run a successful program. We operate our business with integrity, while maintaining our focus on the success and welfare of our clients at all times. The adults we employ are able to trust us to provide a safe and productive work place that allows them to develop their skills and abilities to their fullest while we ensure that all of their health needs are met.

But our success doesn’t just randomly happen. It takes planning, dedication, hard work and, most importantly, leadership. Thankfully we have three individuals in management who are committed to continuing the same level of excellence that we have sustained for over 30 years. Each one of them goes far beyond what their jobs require in the effort to see that our employees have the best possible experience at work. They more than meet the daily challenges of running a business, as well as taking all of the necessary steps to ensure that our future is based on a solid foundation. 

Here is a closer look at each one of these extraordinary people who do everything in their power to make the Meadows a place of opportunity and hope.

AMANDA GREENE: PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

In her 12 years with the company, Amy has performed every job we have. She has been a floor supervisor, she has spent time on our trucks, she has worked in all areas of the building and she is currently in charge of the drivers and all of the scheduling that takes place for our daily pick-ups of information to be shredded. For many of our customers she is the voice of the Meadows because she is the person they usually interact with on the phone.

In addition to her skill at dealing with the public, Amy also has a wonderful relationship with our clients. She is like a big sister to them. She assists them when they need first aid, she helps them when they are feeling sick, she is always willing to listen when they are upset and she has a calming ability to help them deal with any stress. Amy is particularly gifted in handling the issues that our female workers face. Because she makes them feel at ease, they are comfortable talking to her, and they feel reassured because they know she understands.

Many of the things that Amy does for the Meadows happens out of view. Most people are unaware that she buys a wide variety of work related supplies and materials out of her own pocket. On special occasions she provides snacks and candy and for our workers. She has also purchased personal items such as lunch kits for individuals who needed them. She quietly performs such thoughtful acts without anyone ever knowing. Her generosity is the natural result of her devotion to our clients.

Amy is the kind of person who consistently makes a difference at work by always going the extra mile. She volunteers throughout the day, without hesitation, to do all the extra things that lightens the load for others. Her focus is always on getting everything done as efficiently as possible, while never losing sight of her priority to assist and support our workers.

Because she can multi-task on so many levels, Amy plays a critical role in our day to day operations. Her judgment is excellent so she can always be counted on to make the right decision. But the most important characteristic that she brings to her job is the quality of her character. She is someone who can be trusted implicitly.

Amy’s commitment to our clients is unconditional.

DAVID POTTER: VICE PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS

For 26 years David has given his heart and soul to this organization. The words “work ethic” do not begin to describe him. David is a force of nature. He is the first one to arrive in the morning, and the last one to leave in the evening. He also comes in on many weekends to do everything from paperwork to organizing the warehouse. The hardest jobs in the building are almost always done by David - without complaint. Each staff member knows that he is never going to ask them to do a task that he hasn’t done countless times himself.

Among his considerable skills is an amazing ability to install, maintain and repair almost anything. From our computer systems, to our trucks to the large industrial shredding machines we operate, David keeps everything running, and when a problem does occur he takes care of it immediately. Each year he saves the Meadows thousands and thousands of dollars in repair costs alone.  

His importance to the organization is demonstrated by the fact that when any type of issue comes up in our building - no matter what it is - the first thing a staff member does is call David on their radio. They don’t even have to stop to think about it. It’s an automatic response because with his knowledge and experience he is always the person who can solve the problem.

David loves to joke around with the clients, and they thrive on the attention. Certainly he enjoys the interaction as well, but there is another reason he does this. When a worker is not feeling well or has a slight injury, because of the relationship he has established with them, he can have them laughing within a few seconds. His ability to use humor to misdirect their attention away from their discomfort allows him to accurately assess their issue.

In addition to everything else he does, David is also in charge of personnel. Each new staff member quickly understands that as long as he believes you are trying, and that you are making the effort to do your job correctly, he will support you no matter what mistakes you make. He is completely fair, and he is patient while you are learning.

The bottom line is this: We are a successful organization because David expects everyone to give their best effort on behalf of the clients – just as he does.

JAMES HILL: EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

Leadership starts at the top. That is why we are so grateful to have James in that position. During the 8 years he has been in charge, our business has grown steadily. We have purchased additional trucks, added to our shredding capabilities and now we are once again expanding our facility to keep up with the demand for our services. But if you compliment him on these achievements he will refuse to take any of the credit. He is the ultimate team player. He is both humble and gracious.

Each person in our organization has tremendous respect for James. He is far more than a boss, he is a friend to everyone who works at the Meadows. He has genuine concern and compassion for all of the clients and the staff. He is thoughtful, considerate and generous, and he treats each individual with the same respect no matter what their role in our organization happens to be. James brings a contagious energy and enthusiasm to his job, and he is always positive and upbeat. He has a booming laugh that everyone loves to hear.

What makes James successful as our Director is the fact that he is not interested in titles. On any given day he is willing to do whatever is necessary. He frequently helps customers who drop off paper to be shredded. Usually they have no idea that they are interacting with the person who is in charge. If needed, James will drive one of our trucks into the community to pick up data to be destroyed. He has worked side by side with David tearing down our machinery to perform maintenance or to repair them. He will mop the floor, tackle plumbing issues, pick up trash and literally anything else that has to be done.

But no matter how busy he is, he will always stop what he is doing and give you his undivided attention. If you have a problem or concern, his door is open, and he listens attentively. In meetings he is more than willing to hear your ideas and suggestions. He is interested in knowing all of the possible options so that he can choose the most effective course of action. And no matter what decision is reached, he is willing to stand by it and accept responsibility.

James makes everyone around him better because they see how much he demands of himself. He truly leads by example.

It is difficult to imagine the Meadows without these three people. Together they have a combined work experience at our facility of almost 50 years. Because they each play an indispensable role, they are integral parts of our company’s success. Our organization functions at the highest possible level because of the passion these individuals have for our mission of providing employment and vocational training to adults with developmental disabilities.

But to just say that they are each dedicated to their work is a gross understatement. Both David and Amy have suffered significant injuries in the course of their jobs. However, neither one of them considered going to work somewhere else. Both returned to their positions as soon as they recovered, and they have never slowed down. Their commitment is total and complete because they care deeply about the men and women we employ.

Our management team is proof that true leadership is not conveyed by words but through actions. Individually they assume great responsibility in the running of a thriving business, while collectively their efforts clearly demonstrate what can be accomplished when people come together to work selflessly for a life changing cause they believe in.

James, David and Amy are all here for the same reason. To them this is not just a job, it is a calling. They each believe that people with developmental disabilities have the right to be employed, and each day they act on that belief by doing everything they possibly can to create a safe and supportive environment that allows our clients to achieve their potential.

Most organizations would be fortunate to have even one person of such high caliber – but the Meadows is blessed to have three.

Each day at the Meadows we witness courage, commitment and compassion. All of the extraordinary men and women we employ have developmental disabilities, and it is their desire to excel at their jobs, while dealing with serious challenges, that inspires us every day. In previous posts I have written at length about their strengths and abilities, as well as their achievements and accomplishments. I have attempted to emphasize their positive qualities without neglecting to address the issues that they face on a daily basis. 

However, one subject I have not written about, that is just as important, is the amount of fun we have at work. At our business we do everything in our power to create an atmosphere where people feel relaxed and comfortable. We want them to enjoy themselves and to feel good about being here.

As far as my job as Program Coordinator is concerned, every day is an adventure. When I unlock the door each morning there is absolutely no way of knowing what will happen during the next 8 hours. Some of it will be hilarious, and some of it will be heartwarming. The clients we work with never fail to amaze me with what they will do or say. Their spontaneous behavior, their lack of pretense, their complete honesty and their sense of joy gives each day a special meaning.

So with that in mind, I want to share a few stories that I think will give you at least some idea of the fun we have while working together.

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Quite some time ago one of our clients was helping me fold some items when out of the blue he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was fifty-three years old at the time, and it had been thirty-five years since someone had asked me that question. “Well, I would like to play center field for the New York Yankees.” I answered, although I knew that ship had sailed many decades before. 

I decided to give him the same opportunity to express his dream, “What about you? What would you like to be when you grow up?” 

He thought for a moment and then he said “I’d like to be a firefighter.” He was in his early forties. Obviously there was no chance for either one of us to live out our aspirations, but I was flattered that he actually thought I was still young enough to have a future.

Unfortunately, there will be more about my advanced age later in this post.

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A few years back I was asked to teach a course in daily living skills. The topics covered everything from the proper way to wash your hands, to calling 911. After we practiced dialing the emergency number on a disconnected phone, I asked the group of clients to give me some examples of why we would call 911.

Some of the answers were:  

“So we can talk to grandma”

“To tell the TV man our cable is out”

“To order a pizza. But not the kind with thick crust.”

And my personal favorite……

“To tell them that Dad ran over a skunk, and Mom won’t let him park his smelly car in the garage.”

Later on in that same session we began to discuss the concept of right and left. We talked about how people prefer to write with one hand or the other and how a person typically uses their silverware with the same dominate hand. It seemed like everything was progressing smoothly until I casually mentioned something about having a right foot and a left foot. At that point a lady immediately stopped me, and in a disbelieving voice she said, “Are you saying that my right hand and my right foot are on the same side?” 

I smiled and said, “Yes they are.” 

There was a short pause while she considered my response and then she asked, “Have they always been that way?”

It is the sincerity of the workers’ questions and answers that has helped me appreciate the importance of trying to understand the world from their perspective.

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As some of you undoubtedly already know, old age is a comprehensive attack on the human body. It never retreats, and there is no defense. You are held hostage while it slowly ravages your physical state and relentlessly transforms you into that shockingly unrecognizable person squinting in the mirror.

For those of us who are racking up the miles at a frightening pace (you know who you are), we can take some comfort in the fact that experts claim that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. I sure hope they’re right. My side of the family has never been what you would call “classically handsome”. We lean heavily towards being “barely presentable”.

One positive quality I have discovered is that as we age we become more sensible, more level headed and more reasonable. However, that is not by choice. It’s a requirement.

A good example of this would be the difference in the way we dress as we get older……

When you are young you dress to look good because you care about fashion. When you are older you dress to be comfortable. There is now more of you, and it has to go somewhere. 

When you are young you dress in a way that accentuates your youthful body. When you are older you dress in a way that keeps everything covered. If you don’t want to see it than certainly the rest of the world has no interest in it. 

When you are young you dress in a way that reflects your personality. When you are older you dress in a way that gives you the quick access you need in case of a bathroom emergency – every second counts. 

Now the reason I’ve returned to the subject of growing old is because it’s a frequent topic of humor at work. Our clients love to tease the staff on a variety of subjects, and, because they get so much practice, they are highly skilled at it. In my particular case, it is age that makes an inviting target. 

Because I am sixty years old I might as well be walking around with a bull’s-eye on my shirt. I’m one of the oldest people at the Meadows - and don’t think I don’t hear about it. My gray hair and beard continuously draw sharply barbed remarks and comments. However, the low point was reached five years ago when one of our workers bought me, what she believed to be, an age appropriate gift. After all, nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like an embarrassing present that candidly points out the fact that you now qualify for senior discounts on personal care items that you hoped you would never be forced to purchase. On this occasion her thoughtful and heartfelt gift to me was a cane. But not just any cane. This one came complete with a magnifying glass to allow me to read large print. A pill container to hold the numerous old age medications that were beginning to be an evil necessity in order for me to function. A plastic cup to hold the dentures she assumed I would one day have, and a loud obnoxious horn to warn people to get out of my way. It was a lovely present that reflected her deep respect for the experience and wisdom I had accumulated by living such a long life.

A few years later she allowed me to pass it on to an even older staff member at his retirement party. I was more than happy to do so.

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I have now been employed at our workshop for fourteen years, so it is difficult to remember all the particular details regarding the interviews I went through when I was being hired. However, I am absolutely certain that at no time was it mentioned in the job description that an employee could be required to dress up like a Muppet. 

Each year we have an annual fundraiser called the Walk-A-Thon. We divide everyone in the building into two teams that compete to see who can raise the most money. Two staff members are chosen as team captains and the losing captain has to pay a price, which is usually some type of public embarrassment such as taking a pie in the face or some other form of “fun” punishment. But a couple of years ago, when I was a team captain, it was decided that the loser would have to go through the humiliation of dressing up as Miss Piggy. Obviously I’m writing about this sad moment in our corporate history because…I lost.

After being denied multiple formal requests for a recount, (actually it was a lot of pathetic begging and pleading) I had to face the fact that my team had indeed come in second and therefore I would soon be forced to cavort around our highly respected place of business while dressed as the beloved female porker.

Reluctantly I went to a costume shop to rent the outfit. It was even worse than I had imagined. It came with a full length gown, gloves, pearls, feather boa and a plastic head of Miss Piggy complete with a long flowing wig. Unfortunately, before they would let me take it out of the store, they made me try it on. Total strangers stood and laughed. Some wise-guy asked, “What happened did you lose a bet?” 

I answered “Yeah, something like that.”

The next day at work, I struggled to get dressed before going out in front of the assembly to accept my punishment. Unfortunately, the costume came with an artificial backside and bosom. Somehow it had always escaped my notice that Miss Piggy is quite shapely. Finally after several minutes of bending, twisting, turning, tightening, hopping up and down and a wide assortment of other physical contortions, I was able to corral the voluptuous body parts into their proper place. I paused, took a deep breath, gathered up my courage and sashayed out.

Instantly countless cell phones started taking photos while my friends, colleagues and coworkers whistled, hooted, cheered and heartily enjoyed my misery and shame.

It was not my proudest moment as an adult.

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Through the years of working with our clients, I have learned that a person should be careful about what questions you ask them because you might not like their answers.

Years ago a young lady came to work at the Meadows, and she remains with us, still happily making my life difficult in many ingenious ways. Because our facility is very casual, everyone (workers and staff) goes by their first names. But from the moment I met her she began to call me Mickey Mouse instead of Michael. This went on for a couple of weeks, and I just assumed she was calling me that because she couldn't remember my name. After all, she had sixty people to get acquainted with. But finally after a month it was clear that she had all the other names down and yet she still referred to me as the famous Disney character. I didn't understand. So one day, while we were working together, I decided to find out. I asked her point blank, "Why do you insist on calling me Mickey Mouse when you know my name is Michael?" 

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "I call you Mickey Mouse because you have the biggest ears I have ever seen."

I shouldn’t have asked.

Over time it has become my official nickname at work, and I hear it far more often than I hear Michael. In fact our workers have bought me so many Mickey Mouse items as birthday and Christmas gifts that my desk is now covered with them. Of course it could have been worse. With the honker of a nose I’ve got she could have called me Pinocchio.

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There is nothing funnier to our clients than when staff members manage to embarrass themselves by making humiliating mistakes that defy rational explanation. Believe me when I tell you that I have personally provided countless hours of entertainment, thanks to my clumsiness, my awkwardness and my overall ineptitude.

Job wise I have done a little bit of everything at the Meadows. But my lack of mechanical skill and hopelessness with tools has often led to great amusement among the clients, and it has earned me a couple of trips to the emergency room due to minor injuries that were completely self-inflicted. However, there is no doubt that the job I was most poorly suited for was being a truck driver.

About ten years ago I started driving our trucks into the community, on an as needed basis, to pick up information to be destroyed. I was a terrible at it. I cannot go around the block without getting lost, and I would spend each day wasting valuable time trying to find my destinations. It got to the point where I hated to call back to work to ask for assistance, and I’m pretty sure they hated getting those calls.

However, one day in particular stands out in my memory as being noteworthy. It had a rough start and an even worse ending.

I had taken one of our clients and had gone out to a government facility for an early morning pickup. We had to go through a security check which included me climbing up on the back of the truck and raising the door so they could see inside. As I was stepping back to close the door after their inspection I took one step too many, and I fell off of the truck! I landed flat on my back on the concrete which knocked the wind out of me. It took a couple of seconds for me to catch my breath, and when my eyes refocused I looked up to see two large security guards doubled over laughing at my ineptness. Our client watched in silent amusement as I struggled to get to my feet, and then he joyfully proclaimed, “I can’t wait until we get back to the Meadows so I can tell everyone you fell off of the truck!” Something to look forward to.

Despite considerable soreness, the day continued, as usual, with me being constantly lost and forced to make multiple phone calls back to the office for help. But finally we finished our last stop of the day. After we had loaded everything up, we climbed back into the cab of the truck, and I reached for my keys. Nothing. My pockets were empty. I began to frantically search under the seats, behind the seats, in the floor board and even in the glove box. There were no keys. Again my partner sat quietly, watching with interest as sweat broke out on my forehead. Just the thought of having to call my supervisors and ask one of them to bring me a set of keys was giving me heart palpitations.

After a thorough search it was obvious that the keys were not in the cab. I told the client to stay inside while I got out and looked all around the truck. Nothing. There were no keys to be found. The horror that swept over me as I realized I had no choice but to place the inevitable phone call made it hard to breath.

I climbed back in the cab and got out my phone. I stared at it, hesitating as long as I could. We sat in tragic silence until finally the client shook his head and spoke, “They are not going to be happy about this.” 

I took a deep breath. There is nothing quite as helpful as someone stating the obvious. I swallowed and started to push the number on my phone – but then very calmly the client said, “Michael?” I turned and looked at him. “Are you looking for these?” As he broke into the biggest grin I have ever seen, he held out his fist and opened up his hand revealing the keys. I almost fainted from relief. He broke into hysterical laughter, stomping his feet and clapping - and then I realized he had been hiding them the entire time! Finally his laughter subsided, and he slowly resumed his calm detached manner. As he looked out the window he stated rather matter-of-fa

Each day millions of family caregivers in our nation quietly share their compassion, out of sight and unnoticed. These individuals are average people just like you and me who come from all walks of life. Yet each one is as special and unique as the situations they find themselves in. They are unsung heroes because they are living examples of kindness, generosity and unconditional love.

Being a family caregiver is daunting. There is nothing easy about having another human being completely dependent on you for everything. Each day, and often through the night, a caregiver devotes themselves to the needs of someone they care about. It can be a commitment that lasts for years or even decades. The personal sacrifices they make on behalf of their loved one are staggering. They put their own lives, hopes, dreams and aspirations on hold as they try to give that person the best quality of life possible.

A family member who shoulders the responsibility of caring for another person’s physical, mental and emotional needs often has to learn to perform routine procedures such as giving injections and ensuring the proper use of medical devices such as feeding tubes. Their daily routine can involve administering medications, performing specialized treatments, bathing their loved one, turning them in bed, dealing with infections and other forms of illness and with elimination and incontinence issues. They also attempt to offer intellectual stimulation to keep their relative’s mind as sharp as possible, and they do everything they can to ensure their physical safety at all times.

Here are just a few examples of situations where people are thrust into the role of caregiver:

Being the parent of a child with a profound intellectual challenge which is present from birth or occurs as the result of an accident.

Being the parent of a child with a profound physical challenge which is present from birth or occurs as the result of an accident.

Taking care of an individual who has had a stroke.

Caring for a person who has a traumatic brain injury or some other form of debilitating injury.

Taking care of a loved one with a progressive disease or some other serious illness.

Supporting someone who is dealing with mental illness.

Providing for the needs and safety of a person with dementia.

Compassionately caring for someone who is terminally ill.

Of course there are many other life altering situations where a person requiring 24 hour assistance is cared for by a spouse, parent, grandparent, sibling, aunt or uncle.

If you personally know individuals who are serving as caregivers than you have probably witnessed their commitment, dedication and compassion. You would be performing a true act of kindness if you volunteered to help them in some way that would make their life just a little bit easier. It could be doing their grocery shopping, mowing their lawn, running a few errands or simply spending some time with them so they can escape the pressures of their world. Any thoughtful act would be meaningful because it would let them know that someone cares about them and appreciates their sacrifices.

Caregiving is an important example of the value of family. It is one thing to hire a professional to come into someone’s home to take care of their daily needs, but it is altogether different when a relative willingly assumes that role. Of course as a disease, disorder or disability progresses it sometimes becomes more of a challenge than a family member can safely handle. If an individual’s medical needs become so complex that it is no longer possible for a loved one to properly care for them than it becomes a necessity to seek out those with the correct training and experience to take over. But until that time comes, many families lovingly do their best to take care of their own.

Obviously the duration of support that needs to be provided varies from situation to situation, but in the case of a child who is born with a severe disability, the role of a family caregiver can last a lifetime. It is a constant commitment that demands complete dedication. Their entire life revolves around the responsibilities of meeting the needs of that child, and their sense of obligation is in the back of their minds every waking moment of the day. But no matter how challenging it becomes they persevere because the depth of love they have for their son or daughter is unlimited. It has no bounds. It is total and complete.

However, to be a 24 hour caregiver in any situation can become overwhelming, which can lead to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. It can also be incredibly lonely. Because of the inability of the person to function independently they are often homebound and sometimes even bed fast. This can cause severe isolation for both them and their caregiver. The lack of human contact can be suffocating. In some cases the person being cared for is unable to maintain a normal routine. They may remain awake all night or sleep intermittently in short intervals. Trying to care for someone when you are not getting your own rest can quickly deplete your energy. Extended periods of intense caregiving can lead to burnout and even resentment of the situation or the person involved. That is why it is crucial that a caregiver be given the opportunity to step away and take time for themselves. They must have the chance to renew themselves so they can withstand the rigorous demands they face on a daily basis.

Although caring for a loved one’s physical needs can be incredibly challenging, it is perhaps even more emotionally devastating to deal with someone’s mental confusion, loss of memory or lack of awareness. To constantly care for someone you love with all your heart, and who you know loved you, but who no longer recognizes you or begins to fear you is painful. It hurts each time they don’t acknowledge you or they resist your help. People with mental or emotional issues may begin to view their caretaker as an enemy. They may begin to resent their presence and become uncooperative, all of which can make the challenges of providing care even more demanding. In the case of those with severe intellectual challenges they may not understand that someone is trying to help them. They may only see that assistance as something that is keeping them from getting what they want even if their desires might not be the best thing for them in the long run.

But of all the scenarios that involve a family caregiver, it is end of life situations that are perhaps the most difficult of all. No matter how hard a person tries to ease the pain and burdens of someone who is terminally ill they eventually lose the battle. After being a caregiver for months or even years it is difficult to deal with overwhelming grief while simultaneously attempting to adjust back to some semblance of a normal life. Sometimes a person experiences guilt caused by worry about whether or not they did all the right things in their attempts to meet the needs of their family member. They wonder if there was anything more they could have done. They feel lost after giving everything they had to keep their loved one comfortable and at peace, and although they knew the outcome was inevitable it is still heartbreaking to accept.

Chances are good that somewhere in your neighborhood, at this moment, there are individuals who are caring fulltime for a family member. The fact that you are unaware of those situations demonstrates just how confining life can become for those involved. Out of public view, with no one to witness their love and concern, these men and women do what needs to be done each day as they struggle valiantly to maintain quality of life for their loved one.

At some point in our lives, any of us could become a family caregiver. At that time we will each need to summon the strength to do whatever is necessary to provide for someone we care about. It is the responsibility that comes with being in a family, and it’s the result of the love we have for those who are so important to us. On the other hand, it is just as likely that someday we will be the one who requires a caregiver. There is always the chance that we will become dependent on another person to assist us with our personal needs on a daily basis.

Family caregivers love, support and protect the most vulnerable people in our society. They provide the best possible care they can for their relative, not only because they know it is the right thing to do, but also because they realize that if the roles were reversed that person would do the same for them. They willingly give of themselves to enable their loved one to live and to die with dignity. It is the essence of what makes a family. They are common people who voluntarily step into uncommon circumstances. They embrace the opportunity to help. The courage, selflessness and compassion they demonstrate is a lesson for us all. They are living examples of what is good and decent. They represent the best that humanity has to offer, and they do it all without reward and too often without acknowledgement, encouragement or thanks.

Being a family caregiver is the ultimate act of love.

Words are the products of our thoughts, attitudes, opinions, beliefs and convictions. That is why the language we use has great power. Fortunately we always have the choice to speak in either a positive or negative manner. We can be outspoken or cautious. We can be abrasive or comforting. We can be accepting or judgmental, or we can choose to remain silent and say nothing at all.

Words can have far more influence than we realize because they convey feelings and emotions, both good and bad. People remember a sincere compliment or kind word for years, and the same is true for an insult or a harsh remark. All of us can remember a circumstance when we were on the receiving end of unflattering comments. We have each had things said about us that we didn’t deserve. As children we were called names that hurt. The fact that we still remember those words after so many years demonstrates their true power.

Language is critically important in the world of developmental disabilities. Certain words have the ability to shape decisions and to have a profound effect on the lives of the people we care about. When we use words like inclusive, diversity, respect, compassion, opportunity and equality we are projecting a positive view of individuals with intellectual challenges. They carry uplifting messages, and they convey a sense of belonging and community. These are words that build people up rather than making them feel inadequate. They support an individual’s dreams, aspirations and goals. They are the result of exceptional ideas that are turned into supports, programs and community involvement.

But too often when describing people with Down syndrome, autism, fragile X syndrome, fetal alcohol syndrome and many other types of disabilities we use language that is inaccurate or inappropriate. Sometimes it is thoughtlessly used as a form of shorthand. Words like “low functioning” and “retardation” have a dehumanizing effect when applied to people who have the right to be treated as equal members of society. That is why we should strive to use words that show respect and preserve dignity and avoid language that reflects intolerance or narrow-mindedness. Words of kindness, support and encouragement make another person feel valued and worthwhile. While language that is disrespectful can damage a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

Our choice of words in describing individuals with disabilities actually illustrates what kind of people we are. Because words communicate someone’s true feelings and opinions, disparaging language reveals our own prejudices and biases. We only have to listen to the words a person uses to figure out how they really feel about a particular subject. When someone chooses to describe another person as broken, defective or less than, they are unwittingly demonstrating their ignorance about people they do not know. They are letting their unfounded judgment and misconceptions cloud their thinking. They are hurting people by using language that objectifies them by stripping away their humanity.

We each know how painful it can be when someone reduces who we are and everything we’ve accomplished to just a few inconsiderate words. Every one of us has physical traits or personality quirks that could easily be ridiculed with demeaning language if someone so desired. We are all vulnerable in some way and the last thing we want is for someone to verbally attack us about an issue we have no control over. No one wants to be the butt of a cruel joke. No one wants to be put down for the way they look, the way they speak or the way they move. Each person is doing the very best they can to fit into a culture that is not always welcoming. The last thing they need are insensitive remarks that criticize their efforts.

Sadly words are sometimes used as a form of bullying. Aggressive or degrading language leveled at those who cannot respond appropriately or defend themselves is absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately such behavior often finds strength in numbers as several individuals band together to tease or taunt a person who, in some superficial way, seems different. Using words to attack someone is a simple case of taking the easy way out. Instead of making the effort to get to know them, a bully attempts to make himself feel superior at their expense.

When dealing with those who have developmental disabilities we must weigh our words and carefully consider our language. Each man or woman has the right to be treated with dignity. There is never a reason to stereotype or tear a person down. People with intellectual challenges struggle throughout their lives not to be defined by limiting words. As children, their families are sometimes forced to confront language that hinders their child’s right to be treated fairly. It can be an issue that follows a person all of their lives.

On the other hand, when we speak to people with developmental disabilities in a positive way we can have a meaningful influence by letting them know that someone cares about them and believes in them. When a person has been told repeatedly that they will never be able to accomplish something, even before they’ve had the opportunity to try, being encouraged with supportive inspiring language can have a dramatic effect by giving them the necessary confidence to attempt challenges that can transform their lives. Our words have the ability to lift people up, they possess the power to have a significant impact because they often represent life changing ideas and concepts. They are the building blocks that lay the foundation for how society perceives those that we care about.

People with developmental disabilities deserve to hear words of caring and support. They deserve to hear words of compassion and acceptance. They deserve to hear language that treats them with respect as equals.

We should always choose our words wisely because they reveal who we really are.