Blog Posts

For most people, there is nothing more important in life than family. The benefits of the parent child relationship cannot be stressed enough. Family provides the nurturing support that every person needs, but it is particularly crucial for children with intellectual challenges. The unconditional love they receive from a parent gives them permission to be themselves. They receive encouragement, understanding and most of all complete acceptance. The single most valuable thing a child with a developmental disability can be given is the loving support of their family.

One of the great pleasures of my job is getting to work closely with the parents of the men and women we employ. I have tremendous admiration for the way they have overcome countless challenges while doing their best to provide their son or daughter with the opportunity in life to reach their full potential. The families that make up the Meadows are the heart of our organization. They are an integral part of what we do, and they assist in our work in countless ways. We know we can rely on them because their support for our efforts never waivers. They are vital to our success, and without them, we could not continue to offer employment and vocational training to adults with developmental disabilities.

In other job settings families are not part of the equation, but with our organization, they are critically important. We work closely with them to ensure that the intellectual, physical and emotional needs of their loved ones are met. We stay in constant contact with them so that the lines of communication are always open and easily accessible. When a problem arises with an employee, the families are an indispensable source of information. Their experience and knowledge of their child’s needs or behavior often provide the solution to whatever the issue might be. We are partners. They place their trust in us to protect the health and welfare of their sons and daughters, and we do our best to live up to that responsibility.

We all know that being a parent is a difficult job that requires commitment, dedication and a willingness to be both flexible and firm. But when physical and intellectual challenges are added to the mix, coupled with what can sometimes be life altering medical issues, it can become overwhelming. Many of these families have lived through multiple illnesses and emergencies with their child, and in some cases, they have literally faced life or death situations. They have experienced the raw visceral fear of losing their child, and they have come through that experience with a profound sense of just how fragile life can be. These families know how important it is to appreciate every day you have with those you love. They understand how powerful the small quiet moments can be, and they realize that each one will become a treasured memory. These parents have the wisdom to fully enjoy the time they are able to share with their child.

Because the mothers and fathers I am privileged to work with have raised an individual with a developmental disability they have a different perspective on life. They have overcome difficulties that I never experienced with my daughter. They have faced seemingly endless tests that others did not have to endure. They have been required to make incredible sacrifices and to give up a bigger portion of their own lives than other parents. In many cases, they have been subjected to more stress, more worry, more fear and more frustration. There has, at times, been great discouragement and they have been concerned whether or not they could handle everything that life was throwing at them. Sometimes these families felt isolated. They felt disconnected from parents who were not experiencing the same issues. There were days when they wondered if they could face the future.

But even through the darkest of times, they continued to fight for the rights of their children. They had the courage to stand up to those who refused to accept their son or daughter as a person and instead tried to reduce them to a diagnosis. They did everything within their power to ensure that their child could enjoy the best life possible. They became powerful advocates for their loved ones. They refused to accept the limited thinking of others and they continually pushed for society to understand and to accept their children.

In most cases, these parents did not anticipate having a son or daughter with a disability. The condition was diagnosed at birth or when their child was very young. However, some found out through prenatal testing that their baby would be born with an intellectual challenge, and they made the courageous decision to continue the pregnancy. No matter how it occurred, they had to be willing to adjust their expectations. They had to find the strength to accept a different reality from the one they had envisioned.

Because they were able to adapt and embrace a life they had not asked for, they learned to accept what was necessary without compromising their hope for the future. They learned to believe in themselves even as they were constantly learning everything they could about the particular issues that their child was facing. They learned that they could be stronger than they ever imagined, and they learned how to face disappointments and setbacks without ever giving up.

Often these families were told by experts that there were certain things their child would never be able to do. They were told not to expect too much and to settle for whatever they could manage to accomplish. But they refused to accept such negative thinking. They believed their son or daughter could achieve more. They were determined to see that they had the same opportunities as other children. They wanted them to enjoy inclusion in the community, to receive an education and to be treated as an equal.

The parents I work with have a wonderful attitude. They are positive and hopeful about the future, and they are thankful for the lives they’ve been able to share with their child. I have never encountered bitterness or regret over the roles they were thrust into. They simply took on the responsibility and did the best they could. The proof of their parenting skills is evident in the way their loved ones conduct themselves. The work ethic of our employees, their enthusiasm and their commitment to excellence are a clear reflection of their upbringing. Our families have worked exceedingly hard in countless ways to prepare their loved ones to be able to have and to hold a job. The success they enjoy today is the result of a lifetime of love and support provided by their mothers, fathers and siblings.

The families associated with the Meadows are one of our greatest blessings. Personally speaking they make my job richly satisfying. They are a pleasure to work with because we all want the same thing. We want their sons and daughters to have a fulfilling and meaningful employment experience. We want them to have the opportunity to learn new skills and to achieve new goals in a safe environment. We want to assist them when they are challenged, and we want to celebrate their accomplishments.

I have the greatest respect for the parents of our clients. Although I know the personal history of their loved ones, I can never completely understand what they experienced as mothers and fathers. I can only say that I feel incredibly fortunate to have a job that brings me into contact with such people, and I have a deep appreciation for their courage, strength and integrity. Their lives are a source of inspiration that bears witness to the beauty and power of unconditional love.

Through their commitment and dedication to their children they demonstrate the true meaning of what it means to be a family.

There are many forms of bias that permeate our society. We have all seen the studies that indicate that people who are tall, thin, pretty, handsome, and have outgoing personalities are more likely to get a job, a promotion or have better success finding a mate. However, none of those attributes actually tell us anything about what kind of person they are. They do not describe their character, their integrity, their work ethic or their generosity. They do not tell us if the person is trustworthy, honest, forgiving or compassionate. They are simply unimportant characteristics that society incorrectly places great value on.

Have you ever faced bias because of your physical appearance, or intellectual ability? Have you ever experienced prejudice based on something you have no control over such as your age or gender? Have you ever been the victim of cultural stereotyping because of your ethnicity or nationality? Have you ever been unfairly judged by others simply because of who you are?

For the 4.6 million American citizens who have a developmental disability there appears to be a level of bias very similar to what is found in the general population. It is a bias based on physical features, verbal skills, motor function, personality type and a host of other qualities that are used to determine whether or not a person’s intellectual challenge is acceptable to the public.

An example of this can be found in the occasional TV commercial that includes a person with a developmental disability. It usually shows an adorable child who is bubbly, energetic and radiates cuteness. That is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. People with intellectual challenges are underrepresented in all forms of media, so that type of exposure benefits everyone. But there are millions of human beings who do not fit into the narrow parameters of what the public finds as an acceptable representation of a person with a developmental disability, any more than most of us fit the perfect images of slender beautiful women or tall muscular men. Practically all of us fail to measure up to the unrealistic standards set by the media.

What we are far less likely to see on television is a child who has to wear a protective helmet at all times for their safety. Or a child that has difficulty controlling their saliva. Or a child with autism who’s self-stimulatory behavior is startling. Or a child whose speech cannot be understood. Or a child with cerebral palsy whose lack of muscle control makes them spasm involuntarily. Because children with challenges like these are thought to be less telegenic they are kept out of sight of the viewing public.

Those of us who write about people with developmental disabilities do our best to accurately present a positive, yet realistic, view of our world. We attempt to enlighten society about the lives of those with intellectual challenges. But as we celebrate the accomplishments, achievements and amazing qualities possessed by the people we care about we must also consider how the problem of bias adversely affects those that don’t fit the media image of what a disability should be like.

Consider the following comparisons.

We respect those who can keep up with the fast pace of modern life. However, we do not want to be bothered with assisting those who are left behind.

We gravitate to the articulate person that we can easily have a conversation with, but we are reluctant to interact with the person who is nonverbal or has a speech disorder that requires effort on our part to communicate with them.

We are drawn to the individual who has a pleasant personality, but we avoid the person who struggles with depression that interferes with their ability to function.

We are more accepting of someone who is ambulatory and can keep up with us and less so of someone who has a mobility issue that makes them move slowly and causes us to have to wait on them.

We are comfortable around those who have no visible health issues, but we are tentative around those who are prone to choking, have seizures or deal with incontinence.

We willingly interact with people who have a firm grasp on reality, but we feel ill at ease around those whose awareness fades in and out.

We welcome the company of someone who enjoys conversation and has a sense of humor while we have little patience for someone who continually shouts out repetitive phrases in an attempt to communicate in the only way they can.

We enjoy spending time with people who are relaxed and easy going, but we shun those who are emotionally volatile and have difficulty controlling their temper.

We feel at ease with an individual who can safely cross a street and move around the community without constant supervision, but we feel it is a burden when someone must be monitored at all times for their health and safety.

It is because of issues such as these that we must be vigilant that we do not fall into the trap of bestowing preferential treatment on some while we neglect others.

When a person is viewed as a nuisance instead of as a human being, by the very people who are supposed to care for them and support them, their lives can become intolerable. To be judged as somehow inferior because of something you have no control over is wrong. To be deemed a problem because of how your mind and body work is not fair. To be excluded because you do not fit a meaningless stereotype of a person with a developmental disability is not right. Just because someone requires extra attention and effort does not make them less. Every person’s life has the same value.

Here is a real life situation.

Two women with developmental disabilities start working for an organization within a few weeks of each other. 20 years later they both retire. One person is naturally outgoing. She is physically graceful, articulate and has a variety of job skills. Over the years she has made many friends. She is happily making the decision to retire on her own. She has personal interests she would like to pursue, and she wants more free time to enjoy her life. When her last day of work arrives she is thrown a party. Everyone expresses their best wishes and tells her how much she will be missed. It is a heartwarming sendoff for someone who was perceived to have added real value to the organization. That is not unusual. It is to be expected. That is the way it should be.

But a few months later the other individual has to retire for health reasons. This person is quiet, and she generally keeps to herself. Over the years she has had a series of health issues, but she always struggled to get back to work because her employment was important to her. She has far fewer job skills, and she lives with serious physical and mobility challenges. However she has maintained her dedication to the organization, and it is only because of her increasing health problems that she has agreed to retire. But sadly no one is told when this person will be leaving. Because she does not have an outgoing personality she is frequently on the fringes of activities, often barely noticed. Because her work pace was compromised by physical restrictions, she has spent her years being employed without receiving the recognition she deserved. When her last day arrives there is no party. There are no wishes for a happy retirement. No one tells her she will be missed. She does not even receive a card for giving 20 years of her life to a job that meant everything to her. That is not right. It is unacceptable, and it shouldn’t happen.

Both of these individuals gave their best effort during their employment, but it was the perceptions, right or wrong, of their coworkers and the management that determined what level of appreciation and respect they were each shown for doing their jobs as proficiently as possible.

Too often favorable opinions are based on a person’s ability to downplay or minimize the appearance of their disability. While a less favorable opinion results when the manifestations of someone’s disability are obvious and cannot be hidden. That is why we must make every effort to ensure that people with severe challenges regarding their intellectual level, their personalities, their emotional state, their physical capabilities and their maturity are treated with the same dignity accorded to those whose disabilities are less apparent.

Under no circumstances can we ever allow ourselves to think that someone does not matter. We must always respect their humanity. We must continue to reach out to them and connect in meaningful ways. We cannot fall into the tendency of only paying attention to those who are the easiest to get along with or have the fewest issues. To show bias towards someone because their particular challenges are more complex is inexcusable.

Every person with a developmental disability deserves to be treated fairly and compassionately.

The word cancer can strike terror in our lives at any moment. It is a word that brings untold grief but also unbelievable courage into our world. The devastation that this single word can wreck on families is almost indescribable, and yet the people who battle its effects so bravely can inspire us with their strength, resolve and determination to overcome it.

As with any large group of people, the Meadows has not been spared the pain of cancer. Many of our families, including those of both the staff and our workers, have had to fight this unrelenting disease, and many of us have experienced the unbearable pain of losing someone. Through the years and into the present our organization has had our share of individuals who have won and sadly lost their personal battle against this killer. Often the loss that was experienced has made people grow closer together. Genuine thoughtfulness and kindness has been extended to families as they went through the crisis of having a loved one who was critically ill. We have rejoiced in those who survived their ordeal, and we have mourned those who did not.

Cancer is a thief that steals from us by taking the lives of the ones we care about the most. It tears apart families and causes so much physical and psychological pain that it is difficult to comprehend the destruction that it has on society. With each life that is lost we lose the talents and abilities of that person. Their love, their wisdom and everything that made them unique is taken from us. Cancer not only takes the lives of its victims, it also devastates the lives of those left behind.

Just like most of you I have also lost loved ones to this killer.

In 1973, at the age of 39 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She should have had many decades of life ahead of her, but although she battled courageously it was not to be. She died 10 months later. It is incredibly sad that she never got to meet my daughter who was born in 1976. She had always wanted to have a little girl but after multiple miscarriages it was not possible. And now she has missed the joy of having 2 great-grandsons. Even after 40 years it is still painful to think about.

In 2007 my step-mother was diagnosed with cancer. She survived 22 months. Tragically she died on Christmas Eve. I have never met anyone who had more friends than she did. No one was a stranger to her. She had the ability to connect with every person she met. But she was never happier than when her home was filled with her children and grandchildren. She would spend hours cooking incredible meals for the family she loved so much.

In 2013 my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She lived 3 months and died a week before Christmas. She had spent the last several years of her life crocheting stocking caps for people who were homeless. Ironically after her death many of the hats she had accumulated were given to women who had lost their hair during their chemotherapy treatments. She was one of the kindest most caring people I have ever known.

All three of these women showed amazing courage in their life and death struggle. They were inspiring beyond words. The entire time they were sick their concern was not for themselves but for their families. And when they each lost their battle we experienced the most searing pain of our lives because when we lost them we lost part of ourselves. And although the passing of time does help the healing – it only helps up to a point. No matter how strong and resilient a family is they are never quite the same. The sense of loss is overwhelming, and there is an emptiness that cannot be filled. Those three women, just like your loved ones, can never be replaced.

We will always miss them.

When we look at the statistics of various forms of cancer it is too easy to think only of the numbers instead of the human beings that comprise them. The totals represent hundreds of thousands of men, women and children. It represents lives that have been disrupted and turned upside down. In some cases, such as brain tumors, it has left individuals with physical and intellectual challenges that will remain with them for as long as they live. In cases where people have lost their lives to cancer it has left behind families that have been decimated. Children are left without a mother or a father. Parents have a precious child torn from their lives. Numbers can never be allowed to numb us to the humanity of the people they represent.

Unfortunately everyone is at risk. A person’s nationality, ethnicity, disability, age or gender does not protect them from the ravages of this disease. Anyone at any time can be struck down by a diagnosis that will change the rest of their life.

The next time you are with a large group of people take a moment and look around. You cannot possibly know how many of them have been touched in some way by this disease. The frail elderly woman on the other side of the room may have lost her husband of 60 years to bone cancer only a few months ago. The young couple just ahead of you may have a critically ill child who is battling leukemia. The man to your left could have been diagnosed with prostate cancer the week before, and now he is agonizing over the various treatment options available hoping against hope that he makes the right decision. The woman whose eyes are red and puffy may have found a lump in her breast, and she is terrified as she waits for her appointment with her physician tomorrow. 

When a loved one, friend, neighbor or coworker receives the news that they are about to enter the fight of their lives they are not made less by their diagnosis, if anything they are transformed in a positive way. They develop a level of toughness and fortitude that they never thought possible. Their perspective on life often changes in a meaningful way. Trivial insignificant things that used to seem so important melt away as they realize the value of living each moment to the fullest. Without trying they have a profound effect on others who find their will to live inspiring. Their intense desire to win their battle demonstrates to everyone the power of the human spirit.

Courage is a word that is thrown around too loosely in our society. It is applied to a million dollar athlete who plays with a sprained ankle. It is used to describe an overpaid actor who takes on a challenging role in a movie. It is used to describe a politician who decides to run for a higher office. But true courage is having an oncologist tell you that you have a malignant tumor that might not be survivable and immediately making the decision to fight it with all your strength, no matter what the odds. True courage is facing months of uncomfortable treatments and painful surgeries with dignity and without giving up hope. True courage is embracing your family with all your heart when you are not guaranteed a future with them. True courage is fighting this disease until your very last breath. True courage is revealed in the legacy a person leaves behind in the way they fought the ultimate test that we must all one day face.

But fortunately more and more people today are surviving cancer. My father has been diagnosed with it twice, the most recent time in 2006. Thankfully he has made a complete recovery and is in good health today. Death rates have been lowered in recent decades. Early detection has improved. Our lifestyles have changed. Treatments are more effective and surgical procedures have been refined. So there is certainly hope. I would like to believe that by the time my grandsons have families, cancer will have become a rarity or even possibly eliminated altogether.

But for that to happen the pursuit for a cure must never let up. This is a fight we cannot retreat from. Too many families are at risk and humanity will continue to be diminished if we do not commit ourselves completely to ending this nightmare once and for all. However, there is great cost attached to the never ending battle against cancer. Research for a cure requires funding. But we must be willing to do our part in this struggle. As we remember the family members and friends that we’ve lost, we must honor their memory by doing everything in our power to eradicate this disease once and for all. By finding a cure we can prevent the loved ones they left behind from sharing their fate. That is surely something they would want us to do.

There are two words that are so inspiring that when I see them it makes me pause. Those words are “cancer survivor”. Seeing those words tell a story. They symbolize the incredible will to live that a person displays as they overcome the most devastating thing that life can throw at them. They represent the depth of courage and tenacity that a man, woman or child is capable of. Each time we see those words it is not only a personal victory for that individual, it’s also a victory for all of us. With each life that is saved a family stays together. A mother or father gets to watch their child grow up. A little boy or girl gets to continue their life and grow up to have children of their own.

All of us who have been touched by cancer know how incredibly fragile life can be. It gives us a heightened awareness that our lives can change forever with a routine examination or a simple medical test. It instills in us a deep appreciation of the time we have with those we love. We learn not to take those we care about for granted. We understand the importance of sharing our time with them and making as many memories as we possibly can. We learn to love completely.

At any given time almost all of us know of someone who is fighting this battle. The physical pain, the mental anguish, the complete disruption of any kind of normal life and even the catastrophic financial consequences that can result from a diagnosis of cancer can leave families struggling to cope. Take a moment to consider what you could do to make life a little easier for them and their loved ones during this difficult struggle. If there is ever a time to share our compassion it is when life literally hangs in the balance.

To each of you who has survived your own encounter with this disease you have earned the respect and admiration of those who can only imagine what your experience must have been like. You have faced the most severe test there is, and you have endured. You are a member of an ever growing group that has a special dignity and grace that can only be acquired by facing the physical pain and psychological fear that accompanies this heartbreaking diagnosis.

And for those of you who are currently undergoing some form of treatment in your fight to be cancer free please never lose hope, never give in and never ever give up. Because your life matters in so many ways to so many people, it is our sincerest hope that you are able to overcome this challenge. You have our very best wishes for a complete recovery so that in the future you too can inspire others with the words “cancer survivor” alongside your name.

If you would like to join in the fight against this disease please visit the American Cancer Society to see how you can make a difference.

Bullying is a subject that no one ever wants to deal with, but the reality is that people with developmental disabilities are at far greater risk of being bullied than other individuals. Their perceived vulnerability makes them tempting targets for those who prey on people who have done nothing to deserve such treatment. And, unfortunately, bullying appears to be on the increase in our society.

For those of us who have family members, friends and coworkers who are at risk, it is sickening when the people we love and care about are subjected to threats, intimidation and cruelty. It is impossible to understand why anyone would purposely want to hurt them. There is no justifiable excuse for engaging in this type of behavior. To assault someone simply because of who they are is indefensible.

People with developmental disabilities are often bullied because of the way they look, the way they move, the way they talk or the way they behave. They are particularly at risk because their willingness to trust others is often used against them in the most ruthless possible way. They are attacked by those who certainly know better but who cannot resist the momentary feeling of power they achieve when they tear down another human being.

The psychological damage inflicted by bullying can have serious repercussions. A person’s self-esteem and self-image can be permanently harmed. To be exploited by another person can be demoralizing. Victims can become fearful and anxious. They can become suspicious, always wondering if an individual is going to take advantage of them. That can inhibit their ability to trust others; therefore it can become difficult for them to have healthy relationships.

Bullying can occur one on one or it can happen as part of a group. If more than one aggressor is involved they sometimes feed off each other, and the attack can quickly escalate. People often believe there is safety in numbers, so when one person does it others are tempted to join in. Bullying can also result from peer pressure. If you don’t participate you are considered weak and not a member of the group. The need to be accepted can drive people to behave in ways they know are inappropriate, but their desire to belong takes precedence over their judgment. They tell themselves that it is harmless fun, or that the person actually deserved it, all in an attempt to justify what they know is wrong. But when someone is so desperate to win the approval of others that they are willing to hurt an innocent person they are clearly demonstrating a lack of character and morality.

Bullying is often an act of cowardice. Typically those who feel the need to intimidate others pick out targets who they believe will be the easiest to attack. They single out individuals who are isolated and are less likely to have someone to stand up for them. Because people with developmental disabilities sometimes do not enjoy full inclusion in social groups they can be alone and vulnerable. Additionally, because those with intellectual challenges are sometimes considered to be less than equal by the self-centered people who engage in such activity, it may not seem as wrong in their minds to bully them.

That is why we must continue to advocate and educate so that everyone understands that people with developmental disabilities are in fact equal members of society with the same rights as everyone else. They do not deserve to be subjected to senseless attacks just because someone considers them to be different. It is the unwillingness to even try to understand others that induces people to make quick judgments and to foster misconceptions. That in turn leads to the hurtful behavior that we see so much of in our culture.

Parents of children with intellectual challenges are both heartbroken and rightfully furious when they discover that their child is the victim of bullying. When a person you love with all your heart is mistreated it can be devastating. Sometimes tremendous progress that has been made by families with those individuals is set back significantly or even permanently destroyed by a constant barrage of harassment and humiliation.

Physically, emotionally and intellectually people with developmental disabilities may not be able to fend off the attacks of those who choose to hurt them. Therefore we have an obligation to intervene and stop this kind of activity. We each have a moral responsibility to stand up for those who have difficulty speaking up for themselves, and we must ensure that all people with intellectual challenges are treated with dignity.

If the verbal taunting, demeaning language and even physical abuse that are associated with bullying are allowed to go unchecked the public becomes desensitized, and they begin to think it is acceptable. They are more willing to look the other way. Meanwhile the victims are forced to suffer without any hope of relief. When society is willing to tolerate bullying it gives a green light to those who have no qualms about taking advantage of those who can’t fight back.

If we witness the bullying of a person with a developmental disability and do nothing to stop it we must share the blame for the results. By refusing to take action, we silently condone the behavior. To understand what is happening and to allow it to continue makes us a partner in the abuse. To shrug it off and say that, “kids will be kids” is wrong. To attempt to justify it by claiming, “They didn’t mean for it to go that far” or that “it just got out of hand” is not a valid excuse. Adults, adolescents and even children all know that it is not right to pick on another person.

Bullying should never be ignored or swept under the rug because once it occurs there is the increased likelihood that it will happen again and again. Unless it is made clear that this form of intimidation has no place in our world, there will continue to be innocent people who are persecuted simply because of their diagnosis. We each have an obligation to take a stand against such conduct. No one has the right to belittle, ridicule or threaten another person, and they certainly have no right to physically harm them in any way. That type of criminal behavior must be prosecuted.

Bullying is something that must be dealt with firmly because it doesn’t just affect the victim. It also hurts their family and others who care about them, and it harms society as well. It increases disrespect for those with developmental disabilities and it hinders their right to be accepted. It sets an inappropriate example for others to copy and imitate. It encourages people to take advantage of those who, through their innocence, are left unprotected. As a compassionate society we cannot justify any type of bullying, but it is particularly deplorable when it is aimed at individuals who may not understand why they are being targeted or may not have the capacity to defend themselves.

Because bullying can cause tremendous physical, psychological and emotional pain, the devastating effects can last a lifetime.

Forgiveness is one of the most compassionate acts that can occur between human beings. That Is why having the willingness and ability to forgive others is one of the most meaningful traits we can possess. True forgiveness is cleansing. By creating a fresh start it allows us to stop wasting time dwelling on the past so that we can focus on the future. It benefits both the one who forgives and the one who is forgiven. Forgiveness is so compelling that it can instantly change a person’s life. It is fundamental to all healthy relationships, and it is necessary for our society to thrive.

When we have the strength to ask for forgiveness it makes us better people. It is an acknowledgement that we are less than perfect, while at the same time it demonstrates our desire to improve our lives and to show concern for others. It draws its power from the fact that it takes courage to ask for forgiveness and it takes character to forgive. In both cases it gives us the opportunity to grow and to reach our potential. It forces us to look at ourselves realistically and to be willing to change so that we no longer feel the need for payback or revenge. It prevents us from being petty and spiteful. And when we have been taken advantage of or hurt in some way it gives us the ability to let go and release the pain so it can no longer interfere with our happiness.

People who go through life holding grudges against perceived slights by others or against life itself set themselves up for continual unhappiness. To constantly be at war with everyone around you wears a person down. We all know people like this. They take offence at anything by personalizing it. Their focus is always on themselves. These are the people we dread seeing each day. Their eagerness to complain about their latest imagined wrong has a dispiriting effect on everyone they encounter. How troubling it must be to go through life perpetually seeing yourself as a victim.

Sadly, many people have to learn from personal experience that the refusal to forgive leads to continuous anger, bitterness and overall unhappiness. The lack of forgiveness can tear apart entire families while the capacity to forgive can heal them. Refusing to forgive is exhausting. Holding a grudge diverts our attention away from far more important aspects of life. It prevents us from living fully in the present because we trap ourselves by clinging to something that has happened in the past. Fortunately the unwillingness to forgive is often based on a simple lack of communication. Once both parties are willing to confront the issue, forgiveness usually occurs and everyone can let go of their resentment and indignation.

There are some situations, however, where we are so hurt by the actions of someone else that, for now, forgiveness cannot take place. The pain is too fresh and raw. The hurt is too deep, and the memory of the transgression is overwhelming. In these cases, time becomes the determining factor on how long we carry our discomfort before we are willing to release it. What has happened cannot be undone, but the effort to forgive that person can act as a release so that the negative emotion no longer controls us.

Often it seems to be the case that the hardest people to forgive are the ones we love the most. Perhaps the sense of unfairness or betrayal is heightened when it comes from someone who is close to us. But because we care about them it is all the more reason to find it in our hearts to forgive their behavior. We are all imperfect; therefore we all deserve to be forgiven for our mistakes. It is tragic to endure feelings of estrangement and rejection because of the insensitivity of a person who is important to you. It is so much better to realize that life is too fragile to carry grudges for long periods. The time that is wasted when you refuse to forgive someone can never be regained. It is lost forever.

Of course, sometimes it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness and a lack of self-respect. Every person on earth has flaws, and undesirable characteristics, but we must accept our shortcomings as part of what makes us human. We can’t let guilt and self-recrimination paralyze us to the point where we can’t be productive and enjoy life. Until we learn to forgive ourselves it is difficult to forgive others.

On the occasions when you are the transgressor it is critically important to summon the courage to ask for forgiveness. The acknowledgement of your mistake often softens the heart of the person you hurt or offended. And because it is comparatively rare for people to take responsibility for their negative actions, when someone actually does the right thing and asks for forgiveness it is usually sincerely appreciated.

Thankfully there are no special conditions needed to ensure that forgiveness takes place. It simply demands that we be our best. It requires that we are open minded and that we are willing to accept the fact that none of us is perfect and that no one is always right or always wrong. It means that we must attempt to see both sides of an issue so that we have some understanding of why the other person took a different view. 

If we will each stop and think for a moment we all have someone to forgive, and we all need to ask forgiveness from someone as well. The issues involved might be minor or they might be quite serious. Whatever the case, we should each make the effort to embrace forgiveness at every opportunity so that we can be at peace with ourselves and with others.

Carrying a grudge or being filled with resentment is a burden that we can decide to release at any moment. We always have the choice of letting it go or allowing it to weigh us down. No matter how the other party behaves we have the freedom to choose how we react and how we respond. 

Without forgiveness the human race would be in desperate circumstances. It is the one quality that heals everyone involved, and because it can be life changing, it is something we should practice each day.

Advocacy has the power to change lives. It uses the beauty of compassion to have a positive effect on behalf of individuals who might otherwise lack representation for their needs and interests. In the case of those with developmental disabilities, it is the relentless effort to ensure that their rights as equal members of society are safe guarded at all times and that they enjoy complete inclusion and acceptance just like every other citizen.

Because advocacy requires courage and character, it brings together the best qualities of humanity for a common purpose. It allows us to focus on issues that are worth our time and attention. It is a compelling tool because it benefits everyone involved. Certainly the people with intellectual challenges for whom the advocacy takes place are impacted in a forceful way, but so are those who work to assist them. Advocates are committed to a cause that is larger than themselves. They give their time and talent in the service of others. Their efforts are directed at making life better for people who are often brushed aside and marginalized.

Those who are willing to advocate, act as our collective conscience because they refuse to accept the status quo. They are the enemies of complacency. They are a driving force for change in the community. Out of necessity they are uncompromising in their pursuit of fairness for those who deserve nothing less. The importance of advocacy lies in the fact that it represents some of the most vulnerable people in our society who are sometimes not able to articulate their wants and needs clearly.

Advocacy reserves judgment and promotes understanding. It challenges stereotypes and conventional thinking by focusing on the fact that people with developmental disabilities deserve to lead the most fulfilling and rewarding lives possible regardless of their circumstances. It is instrumental in changing perceptions by educating the public about the strengths, skills and talents of people with intellectual challenges. It encourages us to accept every person as an equal.

Advocating for people with developmental disabilities requires patience, tenacity and the ability to see the big picture. To be successful, advocacy must occur on many levels and in different areas of society. It does not hesitate to confront the decision makers who have the power to provide the resources necessary to improve the lives of all their constituents including those who live with a wide range of disorders. The legal process must be addressed so that justice is never denied to those who have difficulty representing their own interests. Education systems must be engaged so that they provide the most beneficial instruction possible, and the medical establishment must be held accountable to make sure that they consistently deliver compassionate care no matter what a person’s diagnosis might be.

Advocates play an integral role in framing the discussions and debates about how to move forward in the best interest of millions of American citizens. They provide oversight and reality checks to see that programs are working as planned and that outcomes are being achieved. They attempt to secure funding and other resources necessary to meet the needs of people who have complex physical and intellectual issues. They are on the front lines, often performing the least glamorous tasks in order to uphold the rights of those they care about.

Advocacy is a life affirming form of giving based on the decision to work on behalf of those who are sometimes left behind because they have a less visible profile. Although a person with a developmental disability may not be able to be physically present at all times in mainstream society that does not mean they are not equal members of the community. Advocacy is the unrelenting pursuit of impartiality and due process. It is a way of viewing the world that makes the isolation, neglect or abuse of those with intellectual challenges intolerable and completely unacceptable. 

People who can advocate include:

Educators

Social workers

Elected officials

Physicians

Employers

Clergy

Therapists

Administrators

Case managers

Mentors

Parents

Siblings

Grandparents

Friends

Any person who cares

To be an advocate for individuals with developmental disabilities does not require a degree or specialized training. It does not require extensive experience or a particular skill set. It only requires us to have the courage to share our compassion.

Because all of us have the potential to advocate for people in need, our desire to see that every human being receives justice can guide us to the appropriate avenues where our influence can have the most effect. Our passion to see our loved ones and friends fully participate in life by having the same opportunities guaranteed to others is a powerful motivation for us to continually fight for their interests.

People who advocate tend to have an innate sense of fairness and justice. They know in their hearts what is right and what is wrong. There is no ambiguity in their minds concerning how those with developmental disabilities should be treated. Therefore they have a clear sense of purpose as they work tirelessly to level the playing field for every person regardless of the challenges they may face.

An additional benefit of advocacy is that it increases our own personal integrity and character because it is an effort we willingly make to ensure that all citizens are treated fairly.  That fact is clearly demonstrated by the significant number of advocates who are volunteers. They do not receive financial compensation for their hard work; however they get something even more valuable in return. They get the satisfaction of impacting the lives of people who need and deserve their assistance. Their true reward is in knowing that they have made a selfless effort to improve our world.  

The power of advocacy should not be underestimated. It has the ability to profoundly alter the lives of those with developmental disabilities as well as their families. In a broader sense it can help to bring positive change to all of society. It can affect the way people think and therefore the way they behave. It is instrumental in correcting the limiting perceptions and the narrow points of view that so many still cling to regarding people with intellectual challenges. Advocates know that every person, no matter what their issues or circumstances might be, is important. All lives have meaning because they all have the same value and worth. There are no second class citizens.

Advocates don’t just dream about a better future for people with developmental disabilities they help to make it happen.

As we enter into one of the busiest times of the year it is quite easy to get caught up in the stress and pressure of the season. Our futile attempts to create the “perfect” holiday distracts us from what truly matters and instead compromises our time with activities that are not nearly as important as the people in our lives.

This six week stretch at the end of each year brings waves of love, anxiety, joy, tension, hope, regret, belonging, loneliness and almost every other human emotion you can think of. Because this compressed period of activity runs the gamut of intense feelings, people often go into survival mode instead appreciating what a wonderful time of year it actually is. Unfortunately they allow superficial concerns to interfere with their ability to enjoy the true meaning of the holidays.

This season of celebration is comprised of 3 distinct days each with their own unique qualities. When Thanksgiving arrives we pause to be grateful for all the blessings in our lives. Then as Christmas approaches we concentrate on giving to those we love as well as to those in need. And finally we have the New Year when we feel compelled to make resolutions to improve various aspects of our personal lives. 

These 3 days represent thankfulness, giving and self-improvement, which are all important qualities to a full and meaningful life. But why should we limit them to just 3 days out of 365? What if we each made a continuing effort to do all 3, every day of the year? I think we would be shocked at how much our lives would improve over a span of 12 months. If we focused on being grateful for what was good in our lives instead of dwelling on the negative, our attitudes would dramatically change, which in turn would make us more willing to give to others. And if we truly made positive resolutions and stuck to them our mental and physical health would both improve.

The holidays are the time of year when we traditionally pause for reflection. We can each start by simply being grateful that we are alive and well. Almost all of us have been touched in some way by the loss of dear friends and precious loved ones over the last year. This can be an incredibly difficult time because of the cherished memories we have of those we’ve lost. But we can honor them by embracing the future and living our lives to the fullest.

The holiday season has different meanings for people. For many it is celebration of their religious faith. Christians commemorate the birth of Jesus. For others it is a time to think back on what has occurred in their life during the last 12 months. For some it is the opportunity to look forward with hope to a new year. For most of us it is the chance to spend time with our families and friends, but above all else it’s time for peace and joy. It is a time to acknowledge our shared humanity and to show compassion for everyone.

Although the holidays represent something different to each of us, at the same time there is a commonality that gives them universal appeal. For many of us they provide some of the happiest memories in our lives. From earliest childhood right up to the present we fondly remember the moments of faith, family and friends. But the holidays are also a time when we feel our losses more deeply. We think back on what might have been, the missed opportunities or mistakes that, with the passing of time, we now regret.

In many ways the holidays are a state of mind. Too often we approach them filled with worry and dread. We allow the strain to get to us, and we begin to feel overwhelmed and even despondent. However, if we can take a step back and look beyond our own lives we will see a wonderful opportunity to reach out to others whose problems make our own pale in comparison.

This holiday season try the following experiment.

Each time you are feeling down or stressed, stop that train of thought by immediately doing something considerate or compassionate for someone else. It doesn’t matter how big or small your act of kindness is, and it doesn’t matter if it’s for a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger. If you will make a consistent effort to do this through the holiday season a couple of things will happen. First of all you will end up helping many people. Whether you do something simple that brightens their day or something that impacts them in a more dramatic fashion you will have made life just a little bit better for someone else, and you will have added goodness to a world that so desperately needs it. Secondly, you will be amazed to discover how much time you waste focusing on yourself and your problems. Because we are so preoccupied with our own circumstances, it takes genuine effort for us to stop thinking about ourselves even for a moment. But the wonderful sense of fulfillment you will get from helping others will replace the negative emotions that we all have a habit of clinging to.

If you will make a sincere effort to follow through with this experiment you will discover that the perfect gift does not require cash, checks, credit cards or going farther into debt. It has nothing to do with purchasing presents or buying items out of a sense of obligation or guilt. It’s about caring. It’s about connecting. It’s about compassion.

The greatest gift you can give this holiday season is you.

Your time, your concern and your willingness to help are what really matter to another person. When you give your attention to someone they feel appreciated and important. It is a feeling that can’t be produced with something you buy from a large retail chain. The difference you make through your kindness and thoughtfulness will be remembered far longer than something that is unwrapped and quickly forgotten about.

If we will be honest, we’ll realize that we make this time of year far more complicated than it needs to be. In reality, the solution to our holiday stress is quite simple. We each need to focus more on others by sharing our time, talents and abilities with those who could benefit from them. By giving ourselves, we embody the true meaning of the season.

If we will make that effort we will create beautiful holiday memories that we’ll remember for the rest of our lives.

We all know that aging is an inevitable part of life. It begins with our birth and ends with our last breath. But although we know it is completely natural for it to happen, it does not make it any easier to accept. Perhaps it would be beneficial if, instead of viewing aging as a bad thing, we would have the wisdom to be grateful for the opportunity to grow older. We all know friends and loved ones who were denied that chance. Focusing on having the privilege of a long life gives us greater sensitivity for those who are not so fortunate.

Thankfully, due to significant medical advances, people with developmental disabilities are leading longer healthier lives. For example, in 1980 the life expectancy for a person with Down syndrome was 25. Today it is 60. Improved prenatal care and safer deliveries, in conjunction with better long term treatments including proper nutrition, more effective medications, innovative surgical procedures and intensive therapies, have combined to increase the life spans of people with disabilities. Science is now blessing families with extra decades to create many more memories to treasure.

But as the lifespans of those with intellectual challenges increase so does their need for assistance. Longevity often requires long term care. It is critical that the extra years that can be added to a human life be of the highest quality possible. That time should be fulfilling for each individual with as few medical issues as possible. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Physical and mental deterioration often go hand in hand with age, but it can be even more pronounced in people with developmental disabilities.

Sadly the aging process for these individuals is often accelerated. Their physical and mental capabilities are adversely affected at a younger age and can occur more rapidly. It can be incredibly difficult to watch the people we care about change. The breakdowns that can take place in a friend or family member can be heartbreaking to witness. But for people with intellectual challenges, diminishing skills and changes in behavior do not affect their humanity. They do not decrease the value of their lives.

Another serious issue regarding the aging of this population is the fact that people with developmental disabilities are now outliving their parents and in some cases even their siblings. Increased life expectancy has created the need for housing and supervision for individuals who are entering the later stages of their lives just as they are becoming more vulnerable due to the loss of the natural supports provided by their families. This is an issue that will continue to escalate in the future, and it is a dynamic that society must be willing to deal with in a comprehensive and caring way.

We have spent the last few decades focusing on childhood development, education and employment opportunities for those with intellectual challenges, but now we also need to concentrate on their well-being as they age. We must determine how we can assist in making the closing chapters of their lives comfortable, peaceful and fulfilling. We must be prepared to meet the needs of people who have not historically lived into their 70’s and 80’s. This will take planning, resources, funding and most of all compassion.

As time takes its inevitable toll we have a moral obligation to treat older people with developmental disabilities with complete respect. We cannot allow a person to be marginalized or to be considered less because of their age. We have a responsibility to accept them for the human being they are at this point in their life. It is not right to judge them against their former selves. Our expectations must be adjusted to the reality of who they are now. We must not create additional stress in their lives by presuming they can still be as they once were.

We must acknowledge the fact that the aging process greatly increases the vulnerability of people with intellectual challenges, making them far more susceptible to mistreatment and even abuse. This type of demeaning behavior can lead to physical harm as well as psychological damage including lower self-esteem and self-worth. We must be vigilant to ensure that the safety of these individuals is our highest priority. As they become more dependent on others for their well-being we must be there for them. We must be willing as a society to step up and offer the appropriate care that each person needs. As their physical capabilities and mental acuity decrease we must correspondingly increase our support for them and their families. We have a moral responsibility to offer the most comprehensive care possible. In many cases their quality of life is in our hands.

We all know how emotionally painful it can be to watch someone we care about slowly decline due to age. We feel frustrated and helpless. But although we are powerless to change the course of time we can certainly increase our patience and understanding of their particular situation. We can accept the limitations that age is imposing on their lives without giving up the effort to keep them safely involved in life. And we can ease our sense of loss if we will remember to appreciate the time we’ve had with them. The laughter, the joy and the love that was shared is what made their life a worthwhile journey.

How we respond to those who become increasingly dependent due to age sets the precedent for how we will be treated when we grow older. Eventually there will come a time for each of us when life will become overwhelming. We will no longer be able to cope with the challenges that we are presented with each day. Some of us will recognize when we reach that point and others will not. In either case, when that time arrives, we will begin to require others to provide us with safety and comfort. From that moment on we will rely on their assistance to ensure our well-being. It is even possible we will no longer be able to speak up for ourselves or defend our rights. We will be forced to trust others to respect our humanity, and that is a trust that cannot be betrayed.

Everyone deserves the highest quality of life possible as they grow older. The fight for equal treatment for people with developmental disabilities must continue from the womb through childhood into adulthood and to the end of their lives.

We must always remember that those who have become increasingly vulnerable due to their age are not burdens. They are loved ones who are cherished by their families and friends. 

We have all had the experience of being asked why we have a particular career, or why we ended up in a certain line of work. Because of the unique nature of my profession it is a question I am often asked. What follows is the true answer of how I happened to be fortunate enough to end up with the most rewarding job in the world.

I was a couple of years older than Stephen. We lived across the street from each other in a typical American suburb in the 1960’s. That was not a particularly good time in our history to have a developmental disability. As cruel as people can still be today they were even less tolerant in those days. The R-word was thrown around publicly without thought or consideration. When I was first introduced to Stephen his physical appearance made him seem different from anyone I had ever met, but once I got to know him I realized that he was just a kid like me that enjoyed being outdoors and having fun.

However, even as a child I sensed that I had to be careful around him and look out for him. He was not as physically strong or coordinated as the other children. He could not run as fast or jump as high. I noticed he seemed to tire easier and sometimes if he’d had enough of a particular activity he would just sit down wherever he was. Verbally he was limited to just a couple of understandable words which made it impossible to have what you would call a real conversation with him, and yet I always felt like I was able to communicate with him. Even though we were young, we seemed to connect in a variety of other ways so I was always able to figure out how he was feeling or what he wanted. After knowing each other for a while we developed a bond that allowed us to interact in a nonverbal way.

Stephen always seemed happy to see me. I certainly don’t think it was because I was such a good person; it was just that I was one of the few children in our neighborhood that would even go near him. I suppose I became his friend by default. The other kids treated him as young boys were prone to do in those days. They ignored him or even worse they teased him. They made no effort to understand him or to care about him as a person. For the most part they simply saw him as a kid with some kind of problem. Although I was also immature I knew they were wrong, but I didn’t know how to express it. So I just continued to be Stephen’s friend and didn’t give the rest of it a lot of thought.

But as I grew a little older, our age difference seemed more exaggerated, and it began to make a difference in our relationship. I became interested in sports and other things that Stephen was not physically able to do. Over the next year or so I slowly started to spend less time with him. However, no matter how busy or disinterested I was, Stephen never wavered in his desire to be my friend. To him, each day was just another opportunity for us to be together. Each time I turned down his invitation to do something together he accepted the rejection without complaint and without holding a grudge. The next day he was still happy to see me, no matter what.

Finally, after many months, the guilt I felt over the lack of time I was spending with him got the best of me. So one day I walked across the street and sat down in the yard with him. He harbored no resentment for the way I had been neglecting him, and we quickly picked up where we had left off and began playing one of his favorite games. I had almost forgotten what it was like to spend time with him. There was purity to his joy. There was no pretense. There was no effort to be something you weren’t. It was just two friends who liked being with each other. Stephen was almost always happy, and I took great pleasure in making him laugh. I remember it was a nice warm day, and we sat for several hours in the grass having fun together.

After all these years it’s difficult to remember exactly how much time passed without seeing Stephen again, but it must have been at least three or four weeks. I was busy with school activities and athletics and it didn’t dawn on me that I wasn’t seeing Stephen playing outside in his front yard. Finally one day when I came home from school my mother met me at the door and said, “We need to talk.” It was clear that this was something serious, but I was not prepared for what she was about to tell me. We went in and sat down at the kitchen table. My mother sat quietly for a few seconds as if she was carefully trying to choose her words and then she looked at me and softly said, “Stephen died yesterday.”

For a moment the entire world stopped. It took several seconds for the words to really make sense. Suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My mother sensed my reaction and reached over and took my hand. Although I tried not to, I began to cry. There were a million questions flashing through my mind. How could this be? What had happened? Had he been sick? Is that why I had not seen him outside his house for a while? How did he die? What was the cause? The realization that I would never see my friend again slowly began to sink in.

As it turned out, I never learned the specific cause of Stephen’s death - and I really didn’t want to know. I heard once that it was some kind of infection that he couldn’t fight off, however, another time I heard that it was a medical condition he was born with - but how he died was not the most important thing. It was the way he had led his brief life that mattered. I had never once encountered Stephen when he wasn’t happy to see me. He was always laughing and cheerful. In many ways he seemed to enjoy his life more than I did mine. I never saw him hurt anyone or be mean to anyone. He acted as if everyone was a potential friend no matter how they treated him. He simply wanted to be accepted. He wanted to participate. He wanted to be included in life, but for many kids in that era he was asking for too much.

A couple of days later my family attended Stephen’s funeral. As we sat silently in the sanctuary watching people file in I couldn’t take my eyes off of his casket. None of what was happening seemed real. A few minutes later the quiet gave way to the sound of young voices coming down the aisle behind us. The row of pews immediately in front of us was empty and the children and the adults accompanying them sat down. I looked up and there sat several children with developmental disabilities just like Stephen. They were his young friends whose innocence was heartbreaking.

It quickly became clear that not all of the children fully understood what a funeral meant. They had many questions and the adults quietly answered them as best they could. One child asked if Stephen was just sleeping and if he would eventually wake up and come back to be with them, but they were told that would not happen. In this case Stephen would not wake up, and this would be the last time they saw him. I vividly remember another adult patiently explaining that even though Stephen’s body was here at the front of the church he was actually still with us because he lived in each of our hearts. The questions and answers continued but, thankfully, time has blurred the rest of it.

As I’ve grown older I’ve begun to realize that we often have no idea of the impact we are having on others - and we certainly have no way of knowing what our influence will be once we are gone - but I do know that the impact of this one little boy’s life continues to this day.

Because of the lasting impression that Stephen made on me, I am now the Program Coordinator at the Meadows Center for Opportunity. For the last fifteen years I have been privileged to work with amazing individuals with all types of intellectual challenges. It has been a wonderful experience. The people I get to interact with every day are inspiring and courageous. They are funny and happy and filled with a joy for life that we should all share. I learn from them constantly, and I do my best to try to understand their perspective of the world. At certain times I look at my coworkers and I can see Stephen’s face. Even after all these years I still cherish the memories of the fun we had as friends and the time we were able to spend together.

I was prompted to write about this episode in my life because I recently saw Stephen’s mother in a restaurant. She did not recognize me, but even after all these years, and despite the fact that she is now quite frail, I instantly knew who she was. She sat right across the aisle from me, and for the next 30 minutes or so I thought about what her life had been like through the decades without her son. I am sure that even after all this time she still feels great pain each year when his birthday comes around. I can imagine that each Christmas she feels the same enormous grief and emptiness that any parent deals with when they’ve lost a child. And I’m sure that the anniversary of Stephen’s death each year is a source of both fond memories and the agony of wondering about what might have been.

As I watched her, I thought about what a brave person she was. First she did her best to raise a child with a disability at a time when there was not nearly the level of assistance and support that exists now, and then she had to bury that child. I felt enormous respect for her. She ate her meal without speaking to anyone and then she was gone. Our lives had briefly intersected again after all these years, but we would forever have something profound in common. Each of us had been changed by a young boy with a developmental disability.

My mother died in 1974 at an early age. The reason I mention this is because she was laid to rest in the same cemetery as Stephen. Each time I visit her grave I slowly drive by the area where he is buried. I never get out of the car, but I’m always aware of his presence. It is a sad but peaceful place, and someday I will join them there, but for now life continues on.

It is critically important that each of us takes the time to remember the ones who have played a defining role in our lives. We must be thankful for the individuals who had a positive influence on us. We must appreciate those who played a part in shaping our lives and who helped to make us better human beings. I have been blessed with many such people in my life, but Stephen, in his gentle nonverbal way, spoke to me as much as anyone.

I still miss my childhood friend.

The world is now comprised of 7 billion human beings, each completely unique and different. This complex diversity of humanity is astonishingly beautiful. Each person contributes to life in his or her own way which allows individuals to work together to create a better society that benefits everyone. Our diversity makes us stronger because it adds compassion, acceptance and understanding to our existence.

Although the subject of diversity usually revolves around gender, age and ethnicity, there is another significant portion of the U.S. population that must be considered; these are individuals with disabilities. The diversity represented by this group is wide ranging. Whether their challenges are intellectual, physical or both, the people in this segment of our society literally define what it means to be human. People with disabilities make up the largest minority in America, and it is a minority that many of us will join at some point in our lives.

The numbers regarding disabilities, disorders and diseases are compelling.

The population of the United States is 318 million.

The government estimate of people in the U.S. who live with a disability is 56,700,000. That is about 18% of the population or almost 1 out of every 5 Americans. And as our society ages that percentage will increase.

Here is a breakdown of significant health challenges.

Hearing loss: 35,000,000

Vision loss: 20,600,000

Speech issues: 7,500,000

Survivors of traumatic brain injuries: 5,300,000

Dementia: 5,000,000 

Survivors of strokes: 4,000,000

Autism spectrum disorder: 3,500,000

Epilepsy: 3,000,000

Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder: 3,000,000

Living with spinal cord injuries: 1,200,000

Cerebral palsy: 750,000

Down syndrome: 400,000

Multiple Sclerosis: 400,000

Fragile X syndrome: 100,000

Brain tumors diagnosed each year: 69,700

Parkinson’s disease diagnosed each year: 50,000

Even though there are tens of millions of citizens with some type of intellectual or physical challenge, there is still a tendency to discount, disregard or disrespect those that are perceived as being different. For some people diversity is a negative word used to promote the acceptance of those they would rather avoid. However, in the case of people with disabilities their presence is ubiquitous. It is the one minority that is prevalent everywhere on earth and its numbers are continually growing.

The refusal to accept the diversity that is all around us is based, in part, on the inexplicable belief that some lives are worth more than others. This disturbing view is held because of a need to feel superior at the expense of others. Although there is obviously no basis in fact for this misconception, it is perpetuated by those who cling to the illusion that there is some type of “normal” that should be used to arbitrarily judge everyone. However, that does not make sense. Everyone has a different opinion of what is normal, and since every human being on earth is unique, there is no such thing.

Diversity includes everyone without exception.

Diversity includes people in positions of power and people with intellectual challenges that the powerful have forgotten.

Diversity includes the people who are judgmental of those with disabilities and the people with disabilities that are unfairly judged.     

Diversity includes people who disrespect those they do not understand and the people who deserve to be respected for who they are.

Diversity includes people who use insensitive language to demean those they refuse to accept and the people who are the targets of that language who have the courage and character to forgive such ignorance.

Diversity includes people who believe that everyone should be held to a standard of their choosing and people who thoughtfully accept others without judgment.

Diversity includes people who are unhappy that they have to share this life with those they don’t understand and people who are happy to share their lives with everyone possible.

Diversity includes people who take their good health for granted and people who have courageously struggled with a serious health challenge all of their lives.

Diversity includes people who demand to be the center of attention at all times and people who must struggle to receive the inclusion they deserve.

Diversity includes people who refuse to believe in those with intellectual challenges and people with developmental disabilities who believe in themselves when no one else will.

Diversity includes people who look down on those they believe are beneath them and the people who look up to those who treat them with dignity.

Once we embrace diversity, we begin to interact with those we previously excluded. It allows us to realize that the humanity of a person who uses a walker to carefully navigate their world is not diminished because they will never run a marathon. We appreciate that the humanity of a woman with a developmental disability is not lessened because she lives in a group home instead of an expensive condominium. We understand that the humanity of a middle-aged man with Down syndrome who will never drive a car is not tempered because he requires assistance to cross a busy street. Embracing diversity allows us to accept people without judging them. No one is required to live up to another person’s expectations.

Specifically, when we accept the diversity represented by those with disabilities we see the world in a new way. It gives us an awareness of the challenges that others live with, which makes us more tolerant. When we realize that we are all sharing the human experience together as equals there is no longer a need to dominate or intimidate. Quite the opposite is true. It leads to understanding and acceptance, which negates the need to feel superior to others. We become more understanding, forgiving and compassionate.

The acceptance of diversity also opens up communication within all areas of society, instead of just for those with privilege and prestige. It gives equal power to every person and every group. It allows us to acknowledge others no matter what their circumstances might be. It gives us an appreciation for the uniqueness of each individual and their respective skills and talents. For people with disabilities, who for decades were marginalized and excluded from the mainstream, the acceptance of diversity is liberating in the sense that they are finally accepted into society with the same rights as other people.

Diversity strengthens our culture by promoting tolerance and inclusion for all. We become better people when we reach out to everyone and accept them for who they are. It provides us with the wisdom to see past our superficial differences, and it shows us that at our core we are all the same. Acknowledging the reality of diversity and rejecting the illusion of “different” is critical in the effort to engage those with intellectual or physical challenges as human beings deserving of understanding and complete acceptance.

By embracing the beauty of diversity, we allow individuals to be themselves. We lift the constraints of narrow-minded assumptions and misconceptions that can prevent people from reaching their full potential. In the case of those with disabilities, it helps us focus on their skills and talents instead of dwelling on their challenges. The acceptance of diversity is naturally inclusive because it provides everyone with opportunities to contribute in meaningful ways that allows all of society to enjoy the rewards of their efforts. Those with intellectual and physical challenges are seen as equals with the same rights as any citizen. Supporting diversity in our communities empowers each of us, which is why our individuality should always be embraced and never feared.     

The world will become a far more compassionate place for people with all types of disabilities when humanity understands that diversity is just another word for equality.